Talk on the occasion of the engagement between Robijan Jones and Halimah Hampe.
( After a short speech by Abdullah Pope and a reading from the Koran by Rusli Alif, Bapak Yang Mulia spoke as follows )
This is rather an exceptional occasion, for as a rule, there is no undertaking of responsibility at an engagement party. ( The couple had exchanged promises as well as putting on a ring ) But there can also be an announcement and a clear statement of intention really to carry through the engagement that is being contracted. So an engagement should not be just for fun or half and half; that is, not yet definite.
Brothers and sisters, and the two young people who are getting engaged: this is the moment at which the engagement between Robijan and Halimah begins. To speak of being engaged means that one is making preparation, preparing oneself, so as to be mutually able to know how far the hearts of both of you are truly sincere. That means that on the man's side he needs to know and he needs to experience and he needs to feel how is the attitude or how is the state of the woman during the engagement. Will the love and affection she has shown him really be unchanging, so that nothing will arise later on, when they are married, that will cause disturbance or divisions, that will cause them to be disunited, not unanimous?
It is also like that on the woman's side; she also needs to know during the engagement what will be the behavior and the attitude of the man towards her. Will both of them be always both loving and beloved, so that the period of their engagement will really be a mirror reflecting their harmony in days to come?
Brothers and sisters, and especially the engaged couple, that’s why Bapak explains that you should really get to know and really examine the situation between you during the engagement period and before any formal marriage has taken place, in order that in days to come, after you are married and have become husband and wife, after your wedding, no feeling of disappointment will arise, or any feeling of anything being out of place or out of balance. Thus it is necessary to examine the situation beforehand, so that eventually you will really bring yourselves something that will cause your lives to be happy.
That is how it is, brothers and sisters, and my children who are getting engaged; marriage is in reality not something for pleasure, but it is like a test in the life of human beings. For in marriage, even though it is said that a man ought to have a wife to form a balance in what he does in life, yet In fact he is actually bringing an antagonist into close proximity with himself. Before he is married he has no opponent, but after he is married he has one. In fact a wife is an energy to a man, to her husband, but the reverse is also true. This wife becomes his best advisor; she becomes his best and most special helper, so that he will attain to perfection both in life in this world and life in the hereafter.
Thus there are two aspects to marriage. If it is bad, it is bad, if it is good, it is good. For that reason it is necessary to be very careful, it is necessary really to examine and to get to know one another, be compassionate to one another, love one another, give and take. If either of you feels either him or her self to be important, if either one of you cares only for his or her own desires, then during your life together there will always be, not quarrels, but there will always be divisions between you.
For this reason Bapak prays for the engaged couple, that the One Almighty God will grant them His grace, so that these two young people who are getting engaged will really be able to follow and to recognize what Bapak has been saying here. So then the wife will not be an enemy, but will become saudara sinoro wedi ( an intimate to whom one’s secrets can be entrusted ), a true sister who is more than his own blood brothers and sisters. That is what it is to be a wife.
That is how it is brothers and sisters, so I come back to it again; she should not be regarded as an enemy or opponent, yet nevertheless she is one. That is why a wife is symbolized as “the enemy under the blanket”. They share one blanket, but in fact she is an enemy. But, she is also a saudara sinoro wedi, that is, a sister who can know and can be told the secrets of your life.
That is why things can go wrong for a man because of a woman, and he can also become noble because of a woman.
That is all, brothers and sisters; there is no need for Bapak to make this talk any longer, or Bapak will use up all the time.
Bapak repeats once again his prayer that in the engagement between these two young people they will always experience conditions and an atmosphere of harmony, and understanding and loving the other, and may their engagement in due course eventually be fulfilled by a formal marriage, full of happiness and well being.
Amen.