Coombe Springs, England - March 16, 1958
Code Number : 58 CSP 4

Los Angeles, CA USA - July 18, 1959
Code Number : 59 LAX 3
In the latihan you receive, all this will proceed in an orderly manner. Don't imagine that the slow pace of your receiving is due to God's will. No. For you it has to be slow. God is All-knowing. God will work on a person's being in a way that will cause no shortage of this, no excess of that. As a result the process will be orderly in each person. So the low forces, whose effect on people is to impart various kinds of bad characteristics, are not eliminated by force. No. They will depart, they will certainly depart, but in an orderly way, without causing turmoil within the person concerned. 'Turmoil' means something undesirable. In terms of world affairs it would be something like a revolution; but as it's within one's self, it would be a sort of inner revolution. So, to avoid such an inner revolution within you, the latihan trains you slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly. That's how it works.

If an inner revolution, which we usually call a crisis, should occur, it's really very unpleasant. Maybe if you saw it you'd be frightened and stop coming; you wouldn't come for latihan any more. Because if you see the behavior and actions of a person in crisis, it's really not very far from, say, the behavior of a mad person.

Furthermore, a crisis or a revolution within the self is not the end of it; it is not a resolution, only a rebellion. So when the rebellion is over they haven't received anything, they are back where they were. They are back in their original state where they still need to do more latihan. So this crisis is just a rebellion within the self. Therefore Bapak hopes that all of you will be patient, have faith in the justice of God, and believe that God knows everything. If you receive the latihan with patience and surrender, this will help to ease the work of the One who guides us within our being. Then the disappearance the low forces that have been in charge within ourselves - their return to their rightful place - will be orderly. They will retreat in an orderly way, as opposed to being forced out in a way that causes them to rebel. They'll make an orderly retreat, doing it voluntarily, gladly, delighted to be ordered back to where they belong. That's how it is. Then, within the hierarchy of the life forces, they will bring about well-being, order and the harmony of the whole, in a way that will not be disappointing.

Coombe Springs, England - August 12, 1959
Code Number : 59 CSP 4
Brothers and sisters, it is quite sufficient to have a general latihan twice a week. You can eventually add a third latihan on your own at home, once you are aware of the time - that is, when you are able to stop by yourself after half an hour, or perhaps a little longer. So you can do the latihan three times a week; once alone at home and twice with the group. Bapak considers this number of latihans is quite sufficient, for you should understand that the latihan requires the stopping of our desires and thinking mind. To stop your thinking and your desires just for half an hour a week is already very difficult; for the thinking and the desires it is really too hard. If you do too much latihan, then your thoughts and desires will be oppressed, and this may to lead to a state of crisis. That's how it is.

So that you should not experience a crisis, and in order that your receiving should proceed gradually but steadily, you should do latihan without being in a hurry, without forcing yourself. Therefore Bapak considers it quite enough to attend the general latihans twice a week and to do one on your own. The helpers should do latihan together once a week; but on that occasion they shouldn't just do latihan, they should also spend some time practicing how to test, understand, and correct their being; ( to feel ) how far they have got and what they have received.

The reason why it is necessary for the helpers to do latihan and test, is so that each can gradually learn to see how things are with their soul. Has it changed or not? Is the still unchanged soul continuing to exert pressure on them? Or is the pressure less? Also, by this means they will become able to answer the various questions asked by the members.

London, England August 17, 1959
Code number of Recording: 59 LON 2
For the faults we have and suffer from pervade not only our flesh and blood but also our understanding and awareness; one could say they penetrate even into our inner self. Therefore putting them right cannot be accomplished quickly; it is certain to take a lot of time. You, of course, would like to know and understand how to solve the problems you have within you as soon as possible. But God knows better than you, so God will work within you and grant this no slower or faster than your individual strength will allow. And if you follow the efforts of your heart and mind to try to speed up what you receive, this may instead bring you an undesirable experience, known as a crisis.

It is like when you want to be rich but don't do any work; that is to say, your wish remains only in your head, and as you sit and dream, you begin to imagine what it will be like when you are rich and how you will invest your money when you have plenty of it. Or it is like when you buy a lottery ticket - which is, of course, not certain to win - and you begin to calculate, 'If I win it, I shall buy ten houses near the road and let them, and with the income from this I won't need to work; I'll be able to travel around, go to the opera from time to time, and so on.'

That is the way the thinking mind works; if we give it free rein it will occupy itself with all sorts of nonsense. So don't do that. Just do your latihan - as long as you do it diligently and without getting bored. Simply accept what you receive and don't have any feeling of being in a hurry or wanting to speed up the process so as to receive a lot. For God's work in the human self is like opening a way through a series of walls: the wall of the feelings, the wall of the understanding and the wall of consciousness; all of which have been formed and come into being entirely through the influences of this world. So Bapak hopes that you will not be in a hurry to understand the meaning of what you receive. Simply accept it, because when you have reached the required stage you will understand it spontaneously.

Coombe Springs, England - August 24, 1959
Code Number : 59 CSP 12
Bapak: Regarding 'crisis': in fact 'crisis' is not the right word. This expression comes from politics. There was a 'crisis cabinet', a 'crisis' this and that, so the word has spread into everything, including Subud; so now we have people in crisis. The proper and accurate word to describe this state can be found in religious and spiritual terminology. It is called murad ( Arab. ), which means 'revealed'; in other words 'uncovered'. A person in this state is experiencing a release from within of whatever they have imagined, thought about and desired to attain, so they may become purified of it all.

So, why is it that not all members of Subud experience this state? It is because the nature of each one is different; everyone differs in the strength of their inner feeling. In general, more women than men experience this state of murad - though actually it is not yet fully murad, more of an explosion, or release - because their feelings are weaker than those of men.

There are two states that differ from one another. The first is murad, or release; the other is called mi'raj ( Arab. ). The meaning of mi'raj is being called by God after a person has been truly cleaned - as happened to Jesus, to Muhammad and to others.

The state of release is quite common on the spiritual path and in the worship of God. In fact, many people say that if a person who is on a spiritual path has not yet experienced such a state of release it means that they are not yet on a true path. Such a state of release is therefore regarded as a necessary step on the spiritual way.

But for us it is all the same. As Bapak said, those whose inner feelings are strong are able to receive the inner working without any upheaval in one or more functions of their being, and will be able to continue to receive without any apparent disturbance. But those who are not strong will experience a disturbance as soon as they receive. This disturbance is what people call crisis, and they get worried because a person in this state does resemble someone who is mad. But in reality they are not mad, and they only need time for the process to be completed in them.

In effect, all members of Subud experience this murad or crisis, but it differs from one person to another. So there are some who remain calm and normal in receiving it, while there are some for whom it is stronger and may appear disconcerting; there are also those who don't speak for days at a time.

You can see this if you look at the difference between the latihan of those who here are called the 'O group' 7 and the others. If you look at the O group latihan, they look as if they are out of their minds. Not only is their latihan rough, but they shout like mad. If one day those people receive ( a state of murad ) it will also be like that; they will not be able to receive it quietly, calmly and gradually. No, it is bound to be strong. So, to predict how person 'A' will experience a crisis, just look at their latihan. If their latihan is calm, their crisis will also be calm; if their latihan is strong, their crisis will also be strong. If one of you in the O group should experience a crisis it will be more pronounced than that of other people.

As Bapak has said before, the way for helpers to attend to people in a state of crisis or murad is for their thoughts and feelings to be clean - that is, not working. What is required is that you should be calm. If you are quiet in attending to a person in crisis, it will bring it to an end more quickly, and the person concerned will themselves become quiet more quickly. But if, on the other hand, your mind and feelings are actively at work, and if on top of that your heart is anxious, this will prolong the process.

This is why, remembering that this could happen to you, Bapak consistently advises you never to follow the desire of your heart to do as many latihans as possible in the hope of accelerating the process. You should take into account the fact that the strength of your feelings and thoughts is still greater than that of your soul. It may be that you have reached the age of forty, fifty, sixty or even more, but this is just the age of the desires, heart and mind, not of the soul. The soul has only just been born, and is not yet strong enough to overcome your heart and thinking mind.

If you compare it to a person walking, or a horse walking, it is as if the right side of the horse is fully mature but the left side is a newborn foal. It will walk like this. ( gesture ). It can't walk correctly, with its legs parallel. That is why Bapak always advises that you should follow the latihan with patience and never be in a hurry. This is important, so that what you receive will be sufficient to allow you to progress in an orderly way - with both legs parallel - without the need to experience anything disturbing, which may cause anxiety in those who see it. So, you will also receive this murad, but it will not be so disturbing or so strong.

Coombe Springs, England - August 26, 1959
Code number of Recording: 59 CSP 14
Concerning question number six: that is indeed what Bapak hopes; that we should build or buy - or if we cannot do that, rent - a house to accommodate people suffering from slight mental illnesses. In such a home we can work for them, serve them, and do the latihan with them in the same way as we do with other sick people. And again, in doing this work, you should first free yourselves from your passions and your chaotic thoughts, so that when you face people with this sort of illness you will be able to lessen their suffering.

But it is necessary to keep those who are really mentally ill separate from those who are in crisis. For those who are in crisis are not mentally ill, they are only experiencing an inner upheaval because of their mind and their will wanting to understand what they have received. So their state is a disturbance, not an illness. That is why Bapak would like to keep them separate. Therefore, if we are not yet able to have separate houses, at least keep them separate; but if it is possible, it would be better if they are in separate buildings, as their ( conditions ) are indeed different.

Exeter, England - September 3, 1959
Code number of Recording: 59 EXT 1
So, do not wish to be able to understand quickly and to become aware quickly. For that would violate the baby, it would violate this soul that is still like a baby. It will not bring you what is right; on the contrary, it might bring you into a state that is not good, a state usually called a ‘crisis’.

Of course, God knows these things. That is why in the Subud [latihan], which you have received and are following, the heart, brain, thinking and desires are separated, so that they will not always disturb and obstruct the soul as it is guided and grows. This fact is really very fortunate, and a great blessing for human beings – for all of you – because God does this work. So we do not have to think about our soul. We do not need to think about how our life will be later, after death. For it is God who will give us all these things, and God who will do the work. These matters are not the responsibility of human beings; they are God’s domain. It is for this reason that human beings themselves call it godsdienst [Du.]. Godsdienst means God’s work.

Wolfsburg, Germany - November 29, 1959
Code number of Recording: 59 WOB 2
Those among our own members who have experienced a crisis have also confirmed this. Although you may say that these people are in a crisis, which means in a state of confusion, in truth at that time a door opens for them so that they can see reality, the reality of their life, beginning from [the time they were] small children until they grew up and became adults, and up to the time when they will die. They can [see] all the connections with this and with that, and will always remember it. This is a proof that God’s action within a human being, even if it only takes half an hour, may be the equivalent of at least ten years from the point of view of the thinking, the heart, and the sense of time of the person concerned.

Bapak hopes that you do not think half an hour is too little. Many people negotiate with Bapak and say: ‘It would be good to do latihan for two hours, Pak, so that we can be satisfied – why only half an hour?’ Bapak says, ‘Don’t do more. Half an hour is already more than enough.’

Regarding the nature of crisis: Bapak referred to it just now, and you may wonder what it is. ‘Crisis’ is just a word people use, as if it were a disturbance or a change. In fact there is some truth in that; therefore Bapak will now explain the threefold nature of crisis.

There is the crisis called ghadab [Arab.]10, a crisis of a low kind, where the thinking has become involved. After receiving the latihan a person keeps asking to be clever, keeps asking God to make them more brilliant than other people, and the wish of this desire enters into their soul. So this crisis is called ghadab of the material level, a low-level crisis.

The crisis that is higher, the middle kind, is called mur-ad [Arab.]. Mur-ad means a crisis that is truly peaceful, so the person is able to receive the peace of their true inner nature, as Bapak just described. Though the crisis may last only one or two minutes, the person sees the picture of his or her life from the beginning of childhood until death. The whole picture becomes visible.

The third crisis is called mi‘r- aj [Arab.], which means the crisis when a person is called by God: like Jesus, in what is called his ascension, and Muhammad, in what is also called his ascension. So there are three kinds of crisis. Of course, you do not aspire to the third; the second is already enough when God bestows it on you.

Bapak himself witnessed this. In Indonesia there is a professor who is really a very learned man. Bapak opened him and did latihan with him; after four or five months of following the latihan he came to a stage of crisis. But his crisis – though in fact of the second kind – was still mixed, because his intellect got involved and so it was less clear. Even so, the professor said, ‘I am very frightened, because I know how my life began as a small child and how I grew up until now. And I know everything that I have studied, from A to Z; it is all in front of me.’ Then he wept and asked Bapak, ‘Bapak, take away this extraordinary knowledge. Let me be just an ordinary professor – I don’t want to be God’s professor.’

So Bapak had to do latihan with him. And it so happened that God had mercy on him; all the knowledge he had been given disappeared completely, and he could no longer see what he was able to see earlier.

But eventually he said, ‘Oh, Bapak, I am very disappointed.’

‘Why?’

‘My extraordinary knowledge has disappeared now. How can I get it back again, or how can I return to it?’

‘Oh, that is not allowed. That was just something that was lent to you by God.’

In the end, he was frightened to do latihan. When he does come to latihan he is even scared to say the name of Bapak, because whenever he speaks Bapak’s name, ‘Pak Subuh’, he goes like this [Bapak gesticulates] and then he is frightened. But really we should not and cannot be surprised, and we cannot blame him, because one can truly say there are not many people on earth who are able to receive something like that and maintain their composure.

Bapak will illustrate with an example. Say one of you here is given to know how your life will proceed, so you know the day and time when you will die – the day and time when you will experience an accident, for example. You can see it all. Of course, if you receive something like that maybe you won’t be able to sleep – and not just for one night, you will not be able to sleep at all – and you will lose your appetite, because you know everything in detail. And this is not only limited to yourself; you can see it in other people too, so you know what will happen to every member of your family.

In this situation Bapak is not surprised, and cannot blame that professor just mentioned for feeling afraid and worried, and preferring to return to the state of an ordinary man, even if he was still a professor, because indeed a person cannot take such an experience before he or she has been given the strength by God.

Therefore, Bapak says to you all, ‘Do the latihan with patience; do not be in a hurry, because God knows the measure of each one of you.’ Once you are ready, even though it may be more than what the professor received, you will not ask to change it back. You will not be frightened, because you will already have the strength.

And what was experienced and what was revealed in that crisis? Bapak will explain something about that. That person not only knew the whole manner of his life, or path of his life, from the beginning until he had grown up and grown old, and also the lives of other people; even the food he wanted to eat, even the clothes he wanted to wear, all of these could speak to him, and he could understand them. In reality, because he was not yet inwardly strong enough and not yet prepared, in that crisis he received that it was not he who had the right to eat the food he was eating, but the food that had the right to eat him. So [the roles were] reversed.

It was the same with the clothes he wore. It was not he who could wear the clothes, but the clothes that were supposed to wear him – the other way round. It was the same with other things in his life; for instance, with his shoes, and so on. So when the professor wished to put on his shoes, and he picked up a shoe to put it on, the shoe talked to him: ‘Why do you want to put me on? I am the one who has to wear you. So do not put me on your feet; put me on your head.’ So he took [the shoe] and put it on his head. All this happened because his inner preparation was not yet complete.

Munich, Germany - December 13, 1959
Code number of Recording: 59 MUC 2
We human beings cannot understand the reality of what God is doing. That is why it would be wrong if in Subud there were to be a system that was the same for all. And there will not be one. That is impossible. If one were to try to create a system that is the same for everyone, it would be wrong.

Bapak witnessed this himself, in England. There were, not one, but two, three or four people who, on receiving the latihan, started to act like clowns; meaning, that they could make people laugh. It was very funny; Bapak had never seen it before anywhere else. That is how God gives to human beings, in a way that does not conflict with whatever is in each of them. So even people who do not laugh were laughing – everyone in the room was laughing and chuckling.

So do not feel worried or feel put off if you notice someone acting very strangely in the latihan. That [reflects] their quality, their original nature. But for you it will certainly be different. So if you see someone in crisis, or someone turning somersaults in the latihan, do not worry and say to yourself, ‘Later on I shall be turning somersaults too.’ It cannot work like that. On the contrary, you may well end up being really quiet or just singing.

It may also be the other way round: there may be someone [new] who has a quiet latihan, and they see their friends having a very strong latihan and think, ‘Ah, maybe I am not like that’. But you cannot be sure of that. This new member who is receiving quietly may later, when they have received more, have a stronger latihan than the people they saw. Only God can know that.

God in His power knows what is in a person, so everything God gives to them becomes a way for them towards their true life; towards God and towards happiness in their life. In other words, if later on you ascend to heaven you will not laugh other than with your own laugh, nor will you see other than with your own seeing. This is the reason why God trains human beings little by little, and differently from one another, so that each person can receive the training perfectly.

Perth, Australia - March 1, 1963
Code Number : 63 PER 3
Suppose there is someone among you that does the latihan whenever he or she wants to; for example, besides the twice weekly latihan here in the hall they also do latihan alone whenever they want – because of course the worship of God has no limits. Then the helpers have the responsibility to test whether that member is permitted and able and strong enough to do more latihan than usual. If the helpers give a reminder as a result of their testing, then of course the members should trust them and accept it. This does not mean that they are preventing someone from worshipping God. No. The helpers are restraining that member so that they will not experience something untoward; for instance, a crisis resulting from doing too much latihan. Such a reminder from the helpers is not intended to restrict the members but to remind them, out of a feeling of caring, so that they do not fall into an abyss or end up in a bad state. That is why I hope that the helpers will pay attention to this problem, so that those concerned will not continue to do something that leads to problems.

Christchurch, New Zealand - March 23, 1963
Code Number : 63 CHC 2
As Bapak said yesterday, the latihan, the spiritual training you receive, is in truth God’s work, the working of God’s power within you. So your heart is required only to follow and obey whatever you receive in the latihan. This spiritual training you have received is truly very different from that which is called the training of the power of the heart and mind, such as spiritism, magnetism and hypnotism. Perhaps you will be able to know this and be aware of it after you have been receiving the latihan for longer.

This is also relevant to something you may have heard about that people call crisis, which one or two of you have experienced. A crisis is actually something different, but unfortunately some members have given it that name. In reality, from the spiritual point of view, it is not a crisis but a cleansing or uncovering, performed by God. People who have received this kind of crisis have greatly exerted themselves to try to know and understand quickly what they have received, and have also used their thinking mind to interfere in the process.

Usually, a member who ends up experiencing a crisis is someone who has not been doing the latihan for very long and, what is more, has not yet received very much in the latihan. This is the reason why: because their thinking mind and their heart have entered the sphere or domain of God’s power, for their heart and mind it is like a small child who enters a big shop full of toys and feels overwhelmed, because there are so many things to choose from. And this goes on, making them overjoyed and very happy. But for someone who sees them, it certainly doesn’t look good, because, although someone in crisis feels happy and joyful in receiving it, to the people who see them they appear to be out of their mind.

How long people experience such a crisis for is not always the same. Some take only a couple of weeks, some only a week; others take up to two or three months and some may take even longer than that. It all depends on their desires, heart and mind. For someone who has a strong will to know something that is not yet appropriate for them to know it may take a very long time. Even so, it is not what one calls a sickness; it is only a kind of crisis. So you can be sure that eventually they will get well by themselves; only the duration cannot be determined, as Bapak said just now.

There are even some – generally in America – who really want to experience a crisis. There is someone whose crisis is still going on, because after it stopped and he came back [to normal] he asked for another crisis. Yes, so he had another crisis. He had three or four.

His wife asked him, ‘Why do you always want a crisis?’

‘Well, when I am in crisis I know all kinds of things. My life feels very happy when I am in crisis.’

Yes, actually it is really like that. Truly, in a crisis it is as if you are shown and made to understand things that normally you cannot possibly know. Nevertheless, well, I hope you do not want a crisis, but receive a little at a time, so that it does not create a commotion in your family and for people who see you.

If I can illustrate it, brothers and sisters, someone who experiences a crisis feels that his or her life is not in this world. Their life is in another realm, where they feel fully provided for with enough of everything, and feel close to the power of God. That is why, although other people may be very sad when they see or think about them, the person who is experiencing the crisis feels just fine and is not bothered by it at all. When they are in that state, if someone comes to see them and thinks that they are mad, the person experiencing the crisis will understand that. They are sure to say, ‘You came here to tell me that you think I am crazy. Oh, no. I am not crazy. I am very much aware of what is happening around me and I am not crazy. I am truly aware of the situation around me.’

Something like that once happened in Indonesia. Someone was in crisis and a friend of his came to visit him, thinking that the person in crisis was crazy. The one in crisis then said to his friend, ‘You came here thinking that I am in a crisis. No, in fact, you’re the one who is in a crisis. You have forgotten. You forget that when you joined Subud you had wanted to have a child. You have already been married for fourteen years. You don’t understand your true situation. You will have a child if you are willing to separate from your wife for at least one year. If you believe this, you will get a child; truly, you will get a child. If you don’t, you can cut my head off.’

Then he added, ‘To convince you about what I’ve just said, I am able to know the truth about you. The clothes you are wearing, you have bought on credit; you haven’t finished paying for them yet. I know that.’ [Laughter.] And it was indeed true. That’s how it was; the clothes he was wearing hadn’t been paid for yet. So he didn’t answer. No, he went home, because he was ashamed.

And afterwards he did follow the advice of the member who was in crisis, and sent his wife home to her parents’ house for about a year. Later, when the person in crisis had returned to normal, this friend asked his wife to come back to him again. Not long after-wards she became pregnant and had a child.

That’s how it was. So, with regard to people who experience a crisis, there are benefits too. Even so, please do not wish for a crisis. Just go on as usual. You can go on receiving, even if it is a little at a time, so that what you receive does not make a commotion in your inner feeling.

Rio De Janeiro - June 10, 1963
Code Number : 63 RIO 3
If the opener is thinking about the one being opened, what is within that person will affect the opener. So the opener will get something that is not from above but from the person being opened. This has happened in many places to people doing openings. There was someone who opened a person who was mentally ill; they were not completely insane, but they were mentally unbalanced. After opening this person, the helper became mentally ill for a month.

There was another case when someone being opened had been a teacher of hypnotism and spiritism, and the helper who opened them was in crisis, also for almost a month, and in their crisis they resembled the hypnotist, the teacher of hypnotism.

Why did that happen? It was because the person doing the opening was focusing their attention on the one being opened; otherwise it could not have happened. Here is the opener, and here is the one being opened [gestures]. After saying the opening words [the helper] worships God; meaning, they direct themselves upwards. If they are directed upwards, then it will be from up there that this new member receives.

The reverse is also true. If this new member has hypnotism, spiritism or magnetism within them, it will not affect the opener, because it will go up there. And up there it disappears, because that is the realm of God; it is God’s kingdom, in a manner of speaking.

New York, NY USA - June 18, 1963
Code Number : 63 NYC 1
So, the fact is that when Bapak comes somewhere, like here, he doesn’t bring a teaching to give you. No. He is not going to give you a theory or a lesson. There is no lesson that can enter your soul, brothers and sisters, nor is there a teaching that can repair your soul’s flaws.

This is because when a teaching enters your inner feeling it has not yet reached the soul. Let us say that this is the level of the soul [gesture]. When the teaching gets to here it turns around and comes back, because it has only reached the mind. This is because the soul was there before this and this existed [gesture]; the soul was already there. That is why Bapak is saying that if this is the soul here [gesture], and this is the place where the brain and the heart are [gesture], then any kind of teaching or theory – which they call iradat in Indonesian, meaning a study or a teaching about the spiritual realm, where they explain that this is like this, and this is where God is, and that is where the angels are – all that is wrong. You cannot say any of that, because all of that reaches only to here [gesture]. It cannot enter here [gesture], because here there is nothing. The atmosphere is thin; there is nothing there.

So you cannot come to here until you have passed through total emptiness, until you are one hundred per cent empty. That is a fact. This is symbolised in the life of Christ and of the prophets. During his life Jesus was truly clean and truly empty. What was in his heart and brain was God’s power. That is why they say that within Jesus was the power of God – his body was human but within him was God’s power – it was because of that emptiness within him.

That is how it is, brothers and sisters; so it is very important that you should not use your thinking in the spiritual realm. It is very necessary for you to use your thinking, but not for those things where it is inappropriate. For if you use your thinking for the realm of the soul, it will turn back on itself. That’s all right if it turns this way, but what if it turns like this [gesture]? That would be terrible, then you would be in crisis – yes, crisis. [Laughter.]

The reason why you need that emptiness is that without it you cannot achieve the level that Bapak calls spiritual. When you have that, you will be able to know the origin of everything you are trying to achieve and of everything you are doing.

Briarcliff, NY USA - July 9, 1963
Second Subud World Congress
Code Number : 63 BCL 2
I will tell you a little story. There was a Subud brother who was a teacher, the headmaster of a school. Before he joined Subud he was very miserly. He was so mean that, as a result, he owned a large house and a great many clothes. In his miserliness, if, as was his custom, he took a cup of coffee in the morning and someone dropped in to see him, he would give his cup of coffee to the visitor and not drink any himself. Or, when the guest arrived, he would hide the cup of coffee so that he would not be seen to be drinking coffee at that moment. That is how mean he was, even though he was certainly rich.

When he came to Subud I asked, ‘Do you wish to join Subud?’

‘Yes.’

‘Really, with sincerity?’

‘Yes, really.’

‘Do you really wish to worship God?’

‘Yes, I very much wish to worship God. What more do I need, if not the worship of God? For in this world I already have enough. What I lack is the hereafter, because I don’t know the way that leads to God.’

‘Well, all right, but be careful and be sure that you are sincere.’

‘Oh, I really am sincere!’

‘And if you were to lose all your worldly goods, what then?’

‘Oh, I am willing to let them go, provided that my aim to reach God is granted.’

‘Good.’

Bapak opened him and he did latihan, latihan, latihan, until after two months he had a crisis. During his crisis he stood by the roadside with a suitcase full of his wife’s clothes and gave them away. He gave something to every passing person who asked, one after the other, until all his wife’s clothes were gone. His wife protested to Bapak, ‘Is this what happens in Subud, Pak? Since my husband joined Subud he has given all my clothes away. If that is what happens, Subud reduces people to poverty!’

Bapak said, ‘Not at all. This is an example of how God advises human beings to be willing to help others. People should not only accumulate possessions for themselves. To find happiness in their life they must live in concord, live in harmony with those around them.’

That is an example for you, brothers and sisters.

Briarcliff, NY USA - July 15, 1963
Second Subud World Congress
Questions and Answers
Code Number : 63 BCL 6
Bapak: Truly, brothers and sisters, as Bapak is always telling you, to avoid a crisis you need to have a feeling of patience, calmness and willingness to let go. With this feeling, the desire that wants very much to advance quickly or receive quickly will disappear. The majority of those who experience a crisis have been doing too much latihan, because they want to know and understand the latihan quickly, and to receive a lot. Clearly then, in order to avoid a crisis, it is good for you to be patient and to do the latihan as arranged by the helpers’ group; that is to say, twice, or at most three times a week, and do it with a feeling of patience, acceptance and a willingness to let go.

Briarcliff, NY USA - July 22, 1963
Second Subud World Congress
Code Number : 63 BCL 9
Bapak sometimes gives you an experience, through doing testing. That is an experience for you to show you the content of the latihan, so that you can see and witness what the latihan is, what it can do, and how it can benefit you. Bapak just gives you a taste of it. He is not asking you to test as he does. No. You cannot yet do the sort of testing that he does. Bapak says this because all of you here can be compared to schoolchildren, who are still learning, whereas the person who does testing is conducting an examination; he or she is the examiner. How can you become an examiner when you are still pupils and still learning?

And there is a danger too, brothers and sisters. You certainly cannot yet recognise whether a wish arising from within is coming from a dog or a tiger, a snake, a frog or from something else. You do not know yet. And if the person doing the testing has a frog inside, those tested will become frogs. If you then ask: ‘But what about Bapak?’ Well, Bapak would be aware. Bapak has been doing this for years and years and knows how it works. ‘Oh, here is a frog trying to get in. [Bapak mimes] Shoo!’ And the frog goes away. ‘Here is a dog trying to get in. Go away!’

Therefore, Bapak advises you that when he leaves here you should not say, ‘Come on, let’s get together and do some testing’. Don’t do that, brothers and sisters, it is dangerous. The danger is that when the testing is over, there may be one or two who will go on testing. If they do that, they will test everything: they will test if they want to take a walk, they will test if they want to eat. That is called a crisis. That will not be to your own advantage.

San Francisco, CA USA - September 9, 1963
Code Number : 63 SFO 2
There is another thing that Bapak needs to explain to you. There are many questions from members – from all over, not just members here – asking about their individual talent: ‘What is my individual talent that suits my soul?’

Brothers and sisters, it should be quite easy to answer this, but it will be hard for you, because the talent of your soul is completely different from the experience of your intellect. Why is that? Bapak described earlier that the content of your individuality is not yet good, not yet right. So it is very hard for you to implement the individual talent that corresponds to your human soul. If Bapak were to tell you, it would not be easy for you to do it. This is something that often happens – not even often, but always.

Somebody put that question to Bapak. The person’s outer knowledge, the skill of his heart and mind, is that of a craftsman, the sort of work that craftsmen do. But the talent of his inner self is farming. He has worked as a craftsman for twenty or thirty years. So, even though it does not suit him, he is used to it. Now, with Bapak’s answer – if he were to follow it – he would have to change his way of life from the work of a craftsman to farming.

But although farming is his talent from his soul – it is from the soul that Bapak received about in his test – it is not yet something the person can receive for himself; meaning that his soul has not yet developed. So if he turns to farming, his heart and mind will become confused. Being confused, he will stop being a craftsman but will not yet be able to do farming. He will just sit and brood and eventually – well, I hope it won’t happen – he will be in crisis, because he cannot do this or that, and yet he still wants to eat. So, that is the difficulty, brothers and sisters.

So Bapak asks you not to ask that question for the moment. Just do whatever your heart and mind know how to do from what you have learned. For example, if you have studied medicine, studied engineering, studied whatever it is, just do that. Because with the guidance and education of God within you, your soul will develop, and even though your work is not in accordance with that, your soul – having received the education and guidance of God – will be able to change it in a natural way and without leaving any traces. So it will not create chaos in your life.

Vancouver, Canada - September 25, 1963
Code Number : 63 YVR 3
And do not impose on each other when you need to help those whose receiving in the latihan is still lacking. For example, one helper says to another, ‘You should go,’ and that one says to the next one, ‘No, not me; you go.’ Don’t do that. Bapak would like you to be aware that being a helper is serving; serving and being a shepherd for your brothers and sisters. So to some extent you need to possess a feeling of love: love for the members, love for other people.

Therefore Bapak is asking you helpers to plant the feeling of love in your breast and in your feelings. Suppose there is a member who is confused and their latihan is chaotic – as when somebody is having a crisis, for example – the helpers should not just take it easy and act as if this person is not their concern. Also, they should not say anything that causes this member whose thinking is in a state of chaos to become even more confused; for example, saying something like: ‘You are going to be in crisis and under the influence of the low forces.’

Do not say such things, because you helpers are the same as Bapak; sometimes your lips and your speech are filled with power from God, so you need to guard against saying irresponsible things. It can happen that you say something irresponsible, and what you say is followed or obeyed by the low forces, with the result that something that was not really going to happen, happens. In other words, something that was not wrong becomes wrong.

That is why you need to have a feeling towards the members that is loving, calm, patient and open, having real faith that God has power and always protects them. Then nothing wrong can happen; nothing. For it is clear that, in our latihan, we are guided and led by God’s power.

Toronto, Canada - October 3, 1963
Code Number : 63 YYZ 3
Those of you whose latihan does not appear to be so coarse, should not feel that people with a coarse latihan are doing something wrong or are being motivated by low forces. It is best not to think about them, and just to feel your own self. For indeed, each person is unique and has his or her own nature, strength and individuality; therefore everyone’s latihan cannot be the same.

And because, in truth, such movements come from God’s power, you do not need to worry about them or compare them with movements that people make in other groups. Actually, outside of Subud there are many people who experience movements in their training that seems similar to those made in Subud. Perhaps those of you whose receiving is not yet very deep consider that there are similarities between them and ones made in Subud. But later, when you receive the latihan more deeply, you will be able to feel that they are very different.

Indeed, you need to check from whom such kinds of training originated. For in Indonesia alone there are many of them. In fact, there was someone who was opened in Subud and received the latihan for a short time – just for one or two months – and then came into crisis; that is, his receiving became chaotic and confused. After his crisis was over he started his own group, with another name, and collected quite a lot of followers in Indonesia. And because he had originally received according to what there is in Subud, in their training they moved like you do. But, because he himself, the person who started it, had not yet gone very deep or very far in his receiving in the realm of the soul, even though their movements were the same as the ones you and Bapak make, the results were not very satisfying. So many of them were asking, ‘What is this training, really? And what is the true origin of this training that you have received?’

Therefore, if one looks at it only from the outside, there are in fact many ways that resemble this latihan you have received. It is possible that outside Indonesia there have also been people who received the latihan and then went on to start their own group, possibly with another name, due to their wish to be first, or to be admired by others, or to make a name for themselves. If that has happened, their practice will resemble ours. But because such a person has intentionally distanced himself or herself from us, the guidelines of their spiritual practice will be very different.

Magelang, Indonesia - May 31, 1964
Code Number : 64 MLG 2
It is clear that what God gives you does not go against or differ from what you already have within you. So, for instance, if you normally talk loudly, when God gives you a command it will be loud too. Therefore do not become a stranger to yourself.

Moreover, suppose that you receive the latihan, and after a time you speak like this: ‘What is your name?’ [in a strange voice]

‘That is strange, she has joined Subud and now she speaks like that!’

‘I’m asking you, where do you come from?’ [in a strange voice] ‘Goodness! If that’s what happens, then joining Subud is dangerous!’

‘Why?’

‘She didn’t talk like that before and now she is talking like that.’

There are others who change and become aggressive: Pow! ‘How do you do, where are you from?’ That is bad! Whenever you meet him he hits you first and then asks you where you are from. That happens because that is what he is receiving.

Therefore do not be afraid of people who are having what is called a crisis.

Regarding crisis: not everyone who joins Subud has a crisis. A crisis depends on what you have within you. It is true that having a crisis can give you a feeling of release; it is worrying for those who see it, but the one experiencing it feels fine. It feels comfortable scratching yourself by the side of the road with no clothes on. If you ask the person, ‘Why are you doing that?’

‘Because I want to be Anoman.’

If it’s a man, that’s not too bad, they will be safe. But what if it’s a woman? Because she will be standing [naked] at the side of the road.

Therefore surrender, be patient, be accepting and willing to let go. For if a person whose heart is patient, and who fully lets go, and who really accepts and surrenders to God, has a crisis, they will just be quiet – just quiet.

If before joining Subud you wanted to do all sorts of things – if you wanted to be able to fly like Gatutkaca, to leap like Anoman or to be invulnerable like Gandamana, for example – then if you have a crisis it will be like that: ‘I am prince Gatutkaca …’ Before you eat, you will check in with yourself first; before you sleep, you will check in with yourself first; what a bore! This actually means that you have a debt to pay off. It is precisely by going through that experience that you will be rid of your bad habits.

‘But let it not go on too long, please, Bapak!’

‘Oh, indeed, Bapak wouldn’t want it to go on too long either, but what if it needs a long time?’

There is an example in America, brothers and sisters: a person had been in crisis for three months and then it stopped. His friends said to him, ‘Oh, good! Your crisis is finished now.’

‘Yes, but I want to have another one.’

So he had another crisis, for another three months. Six months altogether. Then it was over, he was fine again.

‘Come on now, don’t have any more crises. Just do your latihan quietly.’

‘Oh no! I prefer being in crisis.’

So he went into crisis again, for another year. Can you imagine! Maybe by now it has finished. But I told his friends not to harass him or he would go into crisis again, maybe for two years this time. He said that he was very happy when he was in crisis, because he was able to know all sorts of things.

That’s how it is, brothers and sisters. So if some of you are wondering what this ‘crisis’ is, because it sounds very disturbing, and doesn’t sound very good, then Bapak would like to say to you that if you do not want a crisis be good, be calm and behave well, then nothing will happen to you.

‘Is that really true, Bapak? Isn’t it true that whoever joins Subud must have a crisis?’

Bapak never had a crisis, and he was the first; you could say he is the king of the latihan. If he had had a crisis it would have been bigger than all of yours. He would have had to check in with himself a thousand times a day, since he is the king. It was lucky he never had a crisis; because if he had scratched himself at the side of the road he would have done it a thousand times, since he is the head, he is the boss.

So, you do not need to be afraid. Once you are not afraid you can surrender to God, and you will receive better and better as time goes on. The fact that you receive slowly in the latihan is not God’s fault. It is not God who has decreed that you must be someone who receives slowly; it is your own mistake.

‘What mistake, Bapak? I have never done anything wrong towards God. I have certainly done wrong to other people, but towards God, never.’

Of course you will not do anything wrong towards God, because a human being cannot hurt God. Your mistake is your wrong behaviour. For example, someone who is very well dressed is walking very properly down the road, and everything is fine; but you have put a string across the road, and as he walks past you pull the string and he falls down. That’s just an example. Or, you are a busybody; it may seem as though there is nothing wrong with being a busybody but, oh, it has a big effect on your inner feeling. It dirties your feeling and becomes an obstacle to your development and progress in the realm of the soul.

Planegg, Germany - August 10, 1964
Code Number : 64 MLG 2

Wolfsburg, Germany - August 12, 1964
Code Number : 64 WOB 1
So it is out of place if someone says that the Subud latihan conflicts with religion, with Christianity, Islam or Buddhism, or with this or that denomination. Yes, it is out of place because it could only be in conflict if it had a teaching, but there is no teaching. This talk is not Bapak giving you a teaching, just advice to help you to some extent to discard beliefs other than belief in yourself and in God.

You have also been able to confirm for yourself that the latihan you receive arises from your own individuality, not from anyone telling you what to do. In fact it sometimes isn’t what you want. You want to sing, but you cry. You want to walk over there, but you are made to walk over here. You would like to move like this, but instead you fall. This is a sign that the awakening you are experiencing is in accordance with your own particular individuality. Therefore you do not need to worry that your latihan will be like that of some other person, or if you see somebody in crisis worry that you will have a crisis too. Do not worry, because that has to do with their own stuff. You may never have a crisis; alternatively, you might have an even bigger one than the one you are seeing. It all depends on your own individual background.

That is why it is very important that you surrender these things to God. You need to be patient, accepting and trusting in God’s will, so that your heart and your desires do not always obstruct the true awakening of your inner feeling. For when it is obstructed by the desires that reside in your heart and mind you become confused. And when your thinking and heart are confused, that is what is called a crisis.

Even so, a crisis is temporary, which means it could last for one or two days, one or two months, or one or two years – it could also last for five to ten years, but there has never been a crisis that lasted that long – but in the end you become quiet again. Still, it is better not to have one, but just to receive whatever you need to receive, always calmly, always in a state of peace, so that nothing happens to disturb your family or cause them problems.

Wolfsburg, Germany - August 21, 1964
Code Number : 64 WOB 4
Do not be concerned that you may not be able to understand what you receive in the latihan if you do not think about it. Do not have that feeling or think like that. Bapak just said that, at the moment, you are being taught and trained to move your feet, to move your hands and to use your voice. You are not yet being taught to move your heart and mind.

When your heart is being trained, when it is filled with the movement of God’s power, you will be able to feel and pay attention to things that are beyond your normal experience, but which benefit your life. It is the same with the movement of your brain. When it is moved by God’s power you will be able to think about things that are useful for human beings in general. But if now you try to move your brain from your own heart, it means you are wanting to know and pay attention to things you ought not to pay attention to or think about yet. So one could even say that you are using a tool or a part of your body in the wrong way. It follows that if you do that, you will experience undesirable things like a crisis or a state of mental disturbance.

There is a lot of that; Bapak has seen it in the Muslim world. People who always dream about God and God’s power, and about going to heaven: people who say, ‘Allah, Allah, Allah …’ with every step they take. In the end they are like this all the time [Bapak demonstrates]. Bapak does not want you to be like that, laughing to yourself and mumbling to yourself, and rolling your eyes. Be a normal human being; be like an ordinary person. As for your path to God, and getting knowledge that is beyond the ordinary: there will be a time for that if you are patient, accepting and willing to let go – and if you do not act in the way Bapak just demonstrated.

Oslo, Norway - September 7, 1964
Code Number : 64 OSL 1

Bandung, Indonesia - May 22, 1965
Code Number : 65 BDO 1
Everything a person does will affect him or her later, when they die.’

Therefore God does not punish a person in the way one person punishes another. No. If God were to beat people, oh, then it would no longer be God. God punishes a human being through the working of their own self. This shows that God is Almighty.

That is what is told in the traditions of the Prophet. So a person who, formerly, only liked to eat, in the hereafter will just eat; and because he likes to eat he will eat anything, even stones. Bapak once attended to a member who experienced a crisis. Before joining Subud he had been a contractor. When he was in a crisis he ate stones, gravel and sand. He sucked stones while walking in the street. His brother said to Bapak, ‘Please Bapak, bring this to an end. How can Subud make a person become like this?’

Heavens, so he was blaming me! He said it was Subud that made his brother like that. No, brothers and sisters, it was not Subud, but he himself. Bapak has already said that what you call Subud is you yourselves. Subud is not something out there – there is no such thing – so do not blame Subud. But it seems that his brother thought that Subud is Bapak, and he blamed Bapak, he blamed ‘Bapak Subud’.

In the end, by God’s grace, after a three-month crisis he repented deeply. He had learnt his lesson, and he no longer wanted to be a contractor. Well, that was wrong; he could have gone on being a contractor, but not by way of eating – or cheating with – the stones and the cement. That is not what a contractor is supposed to do. He should not be ‘eating’ while he works: you understand what that means, don’t you? The true price right now is 1,000 rupiah, and you add 500 rupiah, which is ‘eaten’. So you say that the price is 1,500 rupiah whereas in fact it is 1,000 rupiah. That is what is meant by ‘eating’ stones or ‘eating’ sand.

So it is clear, from what Bapak has experienced while attending to and accompanying Subud members doing their latihan, that what happens in the latihan is directed towards our becoming honest people, who have integrity and are modest. This experience accords very closely with the experience of the Prophet during his ascension.

Paris, France - April 18, 1967
Code Number : 67 PAR 2

The Hague - May 11, 1967
Code Number : 67 HAG 3
The primary duty of the helpers is to look after the wholeness of the membership. If there is a member who has not been seen for some time, the helpers need to visit them or write to them to ask why that might be. Once they have heard the reason, they can decide what they need to do for that member. What is the reason? Are they bored with doing the latihan? Or is it because they have not been adequately nurtured by the helpers? Or is it that the committee has not paid attention to them? So, the helpers need to find out the reason; that is their responsibility.

Also, if these members do not yet understand about Subud, it is the responsibility of the helpers to give the clearest possible explanation about Subud and the latihan, so that the members are aware that Subud is not a group who just heal sick people, or find marriage partners for men and women. That it is not for helping people to make money; nor is it a religious organisation that arranges retreats. And that in Subud there is no teaching. In this way a member who has not been for some time will truly understand both what Subud is and its aim.

If, when this person has been given a clear explanation, they do not wish to accept and follow it – meaning that they do not want to come any more – they can be deleted from the list of members. In the realm of the soul they cannot be deleted: they can go on doing the latihan in their own home, but not calling it Subud. Then, if they do something that is inappropriate and not in line with the nature of Subud, the helpers will not be held responsible. For it has frequently happened that a helper or member who stopped coming to the latihan has started opening people and organising their own latihans. If the people who do latihan with them become confused, they can go into crisis. If that happens and the police get involved, they will ask, ‘What is this?’

‘This is the Subud latihan.’

So Subud gets the blame. That is why, if there is a member who has been asked why they do not come, and they say they do not wish to come because they are fed up with it or they no longer want to join in, it is best to delete them from the list of members. In that way Subud is no longer responsible for them. This is the primary work of the helpers.

New York, NY USA - May 18, 1967
Code Number : 67 NYC 3

Santiago De Chile - May 23, 1967
Code Number : 67 SCL 2
One night when Bapak was doing latihan he saw a dyke or dam in front of him. There was a dyke, a dam. Bapak saw an ocean. He thought, ‘Why is an ocean there?’ Bapak was at the edge of the dam or dyke. There was a sluice gate in the dyke, and something inside Bapak said, ‘Open your mouth and drink the ocean.’

Bapak went like this [Bapak demonstrates]. Water poured in. It went in; it took about a minute, or half a minute, or something like that. Then Bapak … [Bapak burps]. I looked: the water, that ocean, had gone. Then Bapak asked himself, ‘What does it mean?’

And the answer came, ‘All knowledge in this world and the next is inside you now.’

And Bapak asked, ‘Am I strong enough to bear this?’

And the answer came, ‘This is yours by right and you are the one God needs.’ So, if it had happened to anyone else, they would have gone into crisis.

Cilandak, Indonesia - November 12, 1967
Code Number : 67 TJK 8
brothers and sisters, even though you think your latihan never changes or never progresses, that is just your perception. The truth is that there is constant change; your latihan keeps evolving. It is as if you are schoolchildren: today is the time to listen to stories; tomorrow is the time to do sums; the day after that to draw; and so on. So, in life you do not need just to walk around waving your hands; every part of you, every part of your body, has to come to life and get free of the low forces. Of course, you will not be able to sense that life before you are complete, but eventually you will feel it and then you will understand. And the changes that are going on inside you are the nurturing or the preparations that are necessary before you can receive what you need in your life. For instance, you will be able to receive a car because a garage has been built for it. You will be able to receive some rice because storage containers have been put up in your rice store. So, what you will receive and what God will give to you will be adjusted to the state of the preparations made in your being. In that way, when an object, or rather, when a revelation, comes into your being it will not go to waste.

We can see an example of this when someone has a crisis. Someone in crisis gets exposed, his innermost secrets are revealed, in other words secrets of the soul. But because he is not complete, because he is not prepared, and because he has a great desire to know and receive about such things, he gets uncovered. Then what? He ends up chaotic and confused. What he says makes no sense. He might take a wicker basket of cooked rice and upturn it over his head, saying, ‘This is a crown; the king’s crown. I am a king in heaven.’ So he says.

‘What?’

‘I am a king, and these are diamonds.’

They are only the grains of cooked rice that have stuck to him. After that he goes and sits under a great tree.

‘What are you doing there?’

‘This is a tree, you know, yes, it’s a tree in heaven. You don’t need to look for it; the tree will come to you.’

The Javanese have a saying for this: ‘Whatever you believe, that is what you will see.’ But they are just images from your imagination, they are not real.

If it is true that heaven is more real than this world, that the realm of the power of God is more tangible than this world, then it will be more concrete, more convincing, than anything you can experience living in this world. Say you drink coffee or tea here; the experience will be much more real there. You will not have more to drink, no, but what you drink will be more vivid, more tangible. When you drink tea or eat food here it tastes good while it is on your tongue, but after you swallow it the taste is gone. Then you have to look for more. It is not like that [in heaven]; after you swallow you still enjoy it, the enjoyment has no end. This is the reality. This is what some of us who have received the latihan have been able to experience. For that reason, follow and practise your latihan diligently. But the most important thing is to do latihan with a feeling of patience and surrender to God.

Cilandak, Indonesia - December 16, 1968
Code Number : 68 TJK 6
Do not worry therefore about slow progress and unpleasant feelings experienced while following the way of the latihan, because it all belongs to the composition of life, to all that makes up your life here on earth. Remember that the Prophet Muhammad himself, a chosen man, first had to be cleansed inwardly by the Angel Gabriel before he received the revelation from Almighty God, and for you this is even more necessary. How would it be for you if, being full of faults and dirt within, you were not cleansed first? As for the nature of the purification taking place in the inner-feeling that brings about a so-called crisis, this is the result of much pondering which has long become part of your thoughts and imaginings.

Do not fear a crisis

So do not be afraid of a crisis, because in fact it is through a crisis that the thoughts and imaginings which have accumulated in you for a long time are 'eliminated and thrown out. In reality, not all crises are alike. Different brothers ( or sisters ) have different situations or circumstances, and it depends on each one himself whether the crisis is light or heavy. For this reason, Bapak says you need not be afraid of a crisis. If you wish to have an orderly crisis, like the behavior and movements of Raden Ardjuna, then you will have to behave in your life like Raden Ardjuna. But if you behave and act like the giant Tjakil in every situation, then of course if you experience a crisis you behave and move like the giant Tjakil - with abrupt movements, strutting proudly, shouting rude remarks and looking down on other people.

It is strange, brothers and sisters, that you are rather afraid of a crisis, but there is a member in America who, on coming to the end of experiencing his crisis, asks to have another one. He says that while he is in crisis he has a pleasant feeling, because his wife takes care of all his needs, and he only eats, sleeps and gossips every day. Yes . . . it just feels nice to him, but his wife has to prepare food every day and look after his needs. She is the one for whom it is difficult, because he does not want to work any more. In other words, it is upsetting for those who see the crisis, but the person himself who experiences it obviously does not find it difficult. But Bapak hopes that all of you, if you experience a crisis, will not be like this brother. Thus, when a crisis is finished, it is better not to ask for another one.

Brothers and sisters, actually a crisis, or a purification of the inner-feeling that is full of faults and dirt, is really necessary, because when you have experienced a time of purification your inner-feeling feels light, even though the purification does not yet permeate your entire self.

Bapak will end his talk here, brothers and sisters, and in continuation Bapak will do some testing with you, which is necessary so that you can have evidence of what Bapak has spoken about.

Cilandak, Indonesia - May 11, 1969
Code Number : 69 TJK 1
As Bapak has previously said, at the present time your latihan still has the nature of a purification, and this will proceed rather slowly, depending upon whether the faults and impurities within you are large or small. It is really necessary for this to be done, and it is necessary for you to submit to it with resolution, surrendering to God's Power, for the course of this purification is in the nature of a stripping away of all kinds of things that have been buried deep within the inner-feeling for a long time. Therefore people who experience a period of purification usually feel as if they are able to find a new understanding, whereas this is all something that has lain buried for a long time in their inner-self. When people undergo this period of purification, therefore, it is usually a heavy experience for them. The nature of purification is of three kinds. There is the purification which leaves the person quiet and calm, as if in his ordinary state; there is the purification in which the person receiving it appears to behave in a way that is unusual for him, yet he seems to be quiet and calm; and there is the purification in which the person receiving it appears to be out of his mind - his actions are alarming and sometimes appear to be horrifying, his speech is nonsensical, and he repeatedly says strange things.

The word 'crisis'

The expression "purification" has now been carried further and is called "crisis"; whereas in fact it is sufficient to speak of purification or to say that a person is going through a period of purification. States of purification are certain to occur as long as you are following the latihan kejiwaan of Subud. Indeed, this is just what is necessary for the self of each of you, so that all the various imaginings and ideas buried in the inner-feeling, causing you to behave less than well, can be done away with, and the development of your true jiwa can proceed quickly.

To take an illustration familiar to you, concerning the process of purification ( crisis ) which Subud members have experienced or will experience: if you usually take great pleasure in abusing people, then when you undergo a period of purification you will continue to abuse them; if you are in the habit of hitting people, or if you are a boxer, then when you go through a period of purification your hands will always strike at something, and sometimes even at your own head; if you are accustomed, for instance, to enjoy telling lies and indulging in idle gossip, then later on, when you go through a period of purification, you will beat your own head, and sometimes you will run against the wall and repeatedly hit yourself on the mouth; if you take great pleasure in making speeches, then when you undergo purification you will make speech after speech, talking about whatever you are accustomed to do - if you are a politician you will talk about politics, if you are a dalang ( puppet master in wajang plays ) you will talk about the wajang, and sometimes you will act out the play you are speaking about. If you are usually or occasionally deceitful in your responsibilities and your work, the most disagreeable thing you will feel, when in due course you undergo purification, will be that your less good actions are the ones you will be sure to expose, however much your heart may wish to avoid it.

The process described above will certainly be experienced by Subud members. Therefore the question of purifying the inner-feeling ( crisis ) is not something to be afraid of, because what happens in this depends on your own habits, and if your state is in fact good, then of course you will act and behave well when undergoing purification. Thus you obviously need not fear this purification of your inner-self, for you will certainly experience it, and it will be better for you to experience it while you are still living in this world, because later on, in the hereafter, there will no longer be an opportunity to receive correction, for you will cease to have the guidance and direction of Almighty God. Therefore, in order that the purification of your inner-feeling may be completed quickly, it is necessary that, so far as possible, you should cease to make a habit of acting and behaving less than well.

Cilandak, Indonesia - October 18, 1969
Code Number : 69 TJK 11
So, brothers and sisters, that is the nature of the purification which is going on and which is indeed very necessary for you. Only, there are some among you who regard it with great concern, calling it crisis; but Bapak says this is not a crisis at all. Its nature is that of a purification or breaking down of all the faults and impurities long buried within you.

As to the nature of the rather far reaching purification you call a crisis, this is in fact of three kinds. The first of these is the violent crisis, caused by the many faults and impurities that have to be broken down, with the effect that sometimes a person seems as if he were suffering from a nervous or mental disease. A crisis of the second kind is one which does not appear to be violent, but quiet and peaceful, so that the person talks reasonably and sometimes even speaks as if to give advice to those who hear him. There is also another kind in which the person appears to be quiet and calm and to behave normally, only he frequently gives advice to people or to the friends who are near him, and much of what he says is true - that is, he says many things that fit the case. Evidently, then, whether a crisis is violent or otherwise depends upon the person. If he resembles Buto Tjakil ( the giant or ogre Tjakil ), then, when he experiences a crisis or period of purification, his actions and speech will be like those of Buto Tjakil - arrogant, erratic and inclined to belittle the capacities as well as the position of other people. But if the person in crisis resembles Raden Djanaka, his actions and behavior will be gentle, like Raden Djanaka's. The only thing is, he may sometimes think about women and may glance at a beautiful woman. It is otherwise if the person experiencing a crisis is like Batara Kresna : his actions and behavior will be like a dewa or maharishi, with everything orderly, and he will enjoy giving advice to anyone who may come near him.

That is how it is, brothers and sisters, so there is no need to fear the state of crisis, for to fear it is the same thing as fearing your own heart and mind. Hence you should do your best to ensure that, when you undergo a period of purification or crisis, your condition will resemble that of Batara Kresna, or at least that of Raden Hardjuna, who does no more than glance if near a pretty woman.

In giving explanations to the members ( or to people interested in joining Subud ) it is necessary for the helpers to know the kind of thing Bapak has just explained. For if people are not given adequate explanations, then, when eventually they are opened and are following the way of the latihan kejiwaan of Subud, they will be in a hurry to ask when they are going to experience some improvement in their fate. That means they are in a hurry to receive what is pleasant, not realizing that within them are hidden faults and impurities which must first be broken down and cleared away. That is why Bapak has just said that the helpers need to explain as clearly as possible what happens to people in Subud. That is the reason why a person who wishes to join Subud must go through a probationary period of three months, which is necessary in order that during that time he can be given clear explanations concerning the basis and aim of the latihan kejiwaan, the meaning of the name Susila Budhi Dharma ( Subud ) - which has become the symbol of the Association of our Spiritual Brotherhood - and all that pertains to it. Also, during the probationary period, the helpers, for their part, need to be clear about the condition of those interested and really sure they are serious in their intentions. This is indeed very necessary, so that eventually the applicants may come to be members who are really Subud, because Subud is its members and the members are Subud.

Jakarta, Indonesia - August 8, 1971
Code Number : 71 TJK 4

Jakarta, Indonesia - August 16, 1971
Code Number : 71 TJK 13

Cilandak, Indonesia - February 20, 1972
Code Number : 72 TJK 3
A certain member happened to be in a crisis. He immediately heard words from inside himself saying 'Your sins are heavy'. He answered himself, 'What shall I do?' 'You must die. If you die you will be cleansed. And then you will come back to life. So just look for a razor blade and cut an artery. Then when that is done your blood will drain out and you will die. After that you will be filled with pure blood.'

One person believed that was so and really wanted to get a razor blade. But one who was not in a crisis felt he understood: 'If I let him have his way he really will die.' So the person was seized, restrained, so that in the end it did not happen.

There was another man who heard a voice saying 'You have greatly sinned. It would be best for you just to die'. 'What do I do to get rid of my sins?' 'Jump in the well'. When he had looked at the well he thought, 'What if I do throw myself in and then I die? Shall I be able to come back to life?' That is how it was. He felt for himself 'Better not do it. I have never yet heard that the dead can live again - die, live; die, live; die, live - I have never yet heard of that!' So in the end he did not do it.

That is how such cases are, and Bapak advises you to truly become aware of it. Don't compare things that are not alike. This is your jiwa. The needs of the jiwa are not the same as the needs of the body. The jiwa is different. In the case of the body, once it is dead it stays dead. The case of the jiwa is different. For the jiwa is the content, which cannot be seen as this coarse body is seen.

Therefore the latihan or training of the jiwa, which Bapak always says is the changing of the jiwa, is carried out only by the Power of the One God. We are unable even to change the body, you cannot change it, unless God wills it. So just surrender everything to the One God.

Thus all you need to do in the process of the latihan kejiwaan which you have received is to do the latihan diligently, and to surrender to God with patience, trust, and sincerity. Don't compare it with things that are not like it.

Melbourne, Australia - April 2, 1972
Code Number : 72 MEB 1
So this is the greatness, this is the nature of Almighty God. And it is quite impossible for man to understand or to think about the Power or the Nature of Almighty God, because, if man can still think about God, if man can still understand God, then that is not God, that is not Almighty God but it is the God of man. That is the God who is of a nature with man and that God will always be different for different people. He will be a black man with curly hair in Africa, for a European his color will be white and maybe he will wear trousers and a trilby hat. Maybe for Indonesians or for Javanese people it will be a God who wears a kind of ……. So that this God, the God that man can think about is, in fact, not Almighty God because Almighty God is beyond anything that we can imagine with our minds. So, in Subud, it is possible because what we receive is directly received from Almighty God. We are able, each one of us to experience, to find our own inner nature and thereby, we are able to come together and to be one, one with the other. And, brothers and sisters, in fact, in our latihan and in our life, we should only have faith, we should only follow the guidance of Almighty God. Not anybody else, not even the guidance of Bapak, because it is Almighty God whom we worship. Bapak is only as an instrument, as a intermediary who has brought this gift to us. And maybe this is, Bapak says maybe, because Almighty God felt, that at this time, in the world, of all the men at present here, Bapak was the one who was able to receive this first and to become the channel for this Subud that we have received. And the reason Bapak says this is because, just to take an example, Bapak, at this moment, is doing latihan and Bapak does latihan all the time. And Bapak has done the latihan, all the time, for a long, long time. And, in our case, if we do the latihan continuously, we call it a crisis. So that actually Bapak is in crisis all the time. Bapak is in crisis all his life, but when we are in crisis even for one month everyone gets terribly excited about it. So, Bapak, as you see, not only do people not worry about Bapak, but Bapak is considered to be unusually healthy. People say that Bapak is someone who is more healthy than what is normal.

Bapak will tell you something, that, it happens often to Bapak, that Bapak, for a whole night, does not breathe at all, and in spite of that, Bapak is still conscious. And Bapak, maybe, will sit and he will feel, where is my breathing. Bapak’s breathing has completely stopped, but at that time Bapak is not only conscious but he is able to think about things which are completely outside this world. Bapak is able to see and think about things which belong to another world. And, in fact, this is the situation of someone who has received spiritual understanding. The way of spiritual understanding is not something easy, it’s not something pleasant. Maybe if you experienced what Bapak is describing, you would already be in a state and maybe you would call the doctor immediately to see what was wrong with you. Supposing you did not sleep for a whole month, you would already be, or not only for one month but if you don’t sleep for one night you are already very worried. But Bapak actually experienced that for a thousand nights Bapak did not sleep at all, but in spite of that, Bapak was still able to eat and liked to eat and was quite healthy. But maybe if this happened to one of us we would already, even for one month, we would call all the doctors in Melbourne to come and see what was going on.

So, actually, brothers and sisters, the way of spiritual understanding, is something unpleasant, but viewed from the other point of view, for us, if we do not have spiritual understanding, we are like someone who is blind, who is not able to see. So that when we die, after we die, in the next world, we cannot know anything about what happens to us, about that world. What happens to us at the end of our life, we cannot be aware of. In fact, for Bapak, it is like this, that what the life after death, the world of the life after death, Bapak can see it very, very clearly, and actually, if you have spiritual understanding, it is just the opposite from people ordinarily, it is this world which is dark, which is incomprehensible. So therefore, Bapak feels blind in this world, not in the next. Whereas those people without spiritual understanding, they can see in this world but they are blind in the next. So that, for Bapak, actually, in this world, Bapak has no understanding whatsoever but Bapak understands about the next world. And, this is actually, what was also received by the prophets that they were able to receive the guidance of Almighty God, they were able to receive this spiritual understanding. But it is for this reason that when you do the latihan, we should not try to think about what we receive, we should only just receive it, just feel it, because our mind is still unable to grasp what it is like, what the next world is like.

This is something that the mind cannot think about, and, in fact, therefore, that is why Bapak says that when we receive the latihan, we should simply receive it, we should just feel what is happening and not try to think about it. Because, in our case, our latihan is still at the level of the feeling only, that we can feel, but it is not yet the time to understand. So that is why men of old used to give advice to people. It is enough just to act rightly, to have a good behavior and a good character in this world. Don’t think, don’t look for, don’t search for, this way or that way, to Almighty God because this is very dangerous. And, in fact, this is also correct because the way of seeking for spiritual understanding that Bapak has described, is actually a way that is full of danger unless it comes from Almighty God, from the power and the will of Almighty God.

Marin County, CA USA - April 15, 1972
Code Number : 72 SSA 1
Bapak suggests that you should not overdo the latihan. You can do it twice a week, or three times at most. You can choose the right days for it, which means the days that allow the members to join in the latihan.

Bapak says you should not do too much because then you make the mistake of mixing up the spiritual with the material. That means you mix the kejiwaan into the thinking, which often happens, so that many members experience a crisis. That is caused by mixing the heart and mind up with the latihan kejiwaan of Subud. So Bapak is not forbidding you to use your hearts and minds, but they should never take part in your worship of God. For the mind can have no part in the realm of the kejiwaan.

Carmel Valley, CA - USA - April 16, 1972
Code Number : 72 CAV 1
What happens in the latihan kejiwaan of Subud is like that. Suddenly you can do it, suddenly you can understand. If you wish to understand now, if you wish suddenly to understand, it is not yet the tine for it. Thus for all your wishing you will be unable to know or to feel it. If you are unlucky you may even go into a crisis.

Mexico City, Mexico - April 26, 1972
Code Number : 72 MEX 1
This is how it is, brothers and sisters, so that while it can be called bliss and joy to be near to God it can also be called agony for people who are not strong and are not capable of receiving it. For, as you have experienced, one sometimes goes through what it is like to be ill. In reality you are not ill; you feel it is ridiculous and that there is nothing wrong, but this is what you experience, so that by experiencing it in this way you can feel what life is like for someone in difficulties and trouble as well as what life is like for someone who is happy.

Bapak is giving you this in broad outline, brothers and sisters, but although it is like that you need not be afraid, because it really has to be like this and this is what we need. For even if you do not like it and do not want to be uncomfortable and do not want to be tormented, for instance, nevertheless you will experience it, even though it may not be in this world. Thus it is far better for you to experience these sufferings while you are living in this world rather than experience violent tortures which cannot be altered later on, after you die and depart from this world. For it is in this world that there is God's forgiveness for man. In this world lies the Grace that God grants to man. When you are dead, things have already gone too far and it is already too late. As the proverb says, the rice has already turned to bubur ( mush ) and it cannot be turned back into rice. It cannot be done.

This is the usefulness and necessity of the latihan kejiwaan of Subud, so that all your faults and all the things you have done wrong can be forgiven. For people do wrong and they do act wrongly, and this has come to be habitual; not only for you. Bapak is also like that, and there is no one who does not do wrong. Because of that we must try to obtain forgiveness from the One Almighty God for the wrong we have done. That is why you all very much need to experience this. It is like someone in a crisis. Of course you do not want a crisis, because someone in a crisis, a member who is experiencing a crisis, does strange things; things that you do not want to do. You only want to do good things, but you do not know and do not understand that in your good deeds and your good actions there is something wrong, something that is not good.

You can feel it for yourselves. You make your face look good; you make yourself beautiful with powder and scent and all sorts of things. Your clothes; you make your clothes nice, so that you can be called a good-looking woman, a sweet and pretty woman. But you forget that in your stomach, in your inside, there are nasty things that disgust you and which you yourself would not like if they were outside. This is the evidence that there is still something bad and ugly contained within people's good actions. That is why, even though you may not be aware of any sin and may not feel that you are doing anything wrong, it is still very necessary for you to ask the One Almighty God for forgiveness, so that you can be set free of all the sins of which you yourself are unaware, and so that the One Almighty God can pardon them. And because the latihan kejiwaan of Subud is guidance and direction from the One Almighty God, therefore your correct path, the path that clearly comes from God, is the guidance and direction of the One Almighty God which is embodied in the latihan kejiwaan of Subud.

Because of that, brothers and sisters, it is very important and necessary for you all to do the latihan diligently and to accept whatever happens. Accept what is necessary for your life, so that you can know the secret and hidden things that as a rule cannot be seen or known.

Manchester, England - May 29, 1972
Code Number : 72 MAN 2
The women members will not be left out either. That means that the women also have their part in the things that are usually done by women, making fashionable clothes, for instance, or cooking. Only they should not immediately rush into doing men's work. Being a petrol pump attendant or working in a garage and changing tires and so on is not women’s work. Nor is it in any way in accordance with what women ought to do, brothers and sisters; for a women's strength is less than a man’s, brothers and sisters. Compared to a man she is not so strong.

So, obviously, brothers and sisters, a woman's body is different from a man's in every part of it, and that is how it is made. Thus it is clear that women very much need to be taken care of and to be, not coddled, but it is very necessary for the men to protect the health and lives of the women. It is actually the men who should be the backbone and support of women's lives.

That is why things are like what Bapak saw just now from the kebudayaan. The men were like this. They are meant to do the lifting and carrying, to bring down the corn and other things stored in the loft and so on. Then the women do like this; they grind the corn and make it into bread. Thus it is the women who cook and prepare food. Thus the women clearly know their nature. It is the men who create; that is in accordance with their destiny. The men should not do like this, even at home, nor should the women do like this. No; that is not permissible. They must not reverse their roles, so that the women run petrol stations while the men fiddle about at home. You must not do that. You must not do it, it is not allowed. Thus it is the men who have to work. The women also have their own work; cooking, for instance, making clothes, looking after the children and things like that.

Bapak is not likening them to one another; he is not worrying about men turning into women or women into men. No, for destiny cannot be altered, and so those are only just temporary aberrations and eventually things will go back again. Take the present fashion, for instance. It began by shortening clothes, so that as time went on the skirt got shorter and shorter, and they have gone up and up, right up to here. Their skirts barely cover their wearers' nakedness; they have gone higher and higher. But now they are starting to come down again.

Thus it is clear, brothers ,and sisters, that nothing lasts permanently, things always change. So there is no need to worry; they will change back again in due course. Only it is the woman themselves who are being fooled, brothers and sisters. They do not understand what is happening to them, so that they are forced into a kind of crisis. The meaning of crisis is change. Thus for people who really do have plenty, it does not matter, but for those who have not, it just increases their expenses to no good use, which means that it is of no benefit to them.

London, England - June 1, 1972
Code Number : 72 LON 2

Wolfsburg, Germany - June 17, 1972
Code Number : 72 WOB 2

Cilandak, Indonesia - April 14, 1974
Code Number : 74 CDK 9
Brothers and sisters, Bapak greets you in the manner of Islam: Assalam alaikum warochmatullohi wabarolatuh, Bapak is making an opportunity to talk to you today; to the helpers, committee members and also to those members who have been doing the latihan for at least five years. The reason Bapak does it like this is because with the members who have been in Subud less than five years, usually their nafsu are still thick. And because they have not been doing the latihan kejiwaan for so long it also makes it easy for them to go into what is usually called a crisis. So it is not that Bapak does not like them or is displeased with them or does not approve of letting members of less than five years standing join in listening to Bapak’s talk, but Bapak is protecting them against a situation in which many members might go into crisis.

This is something that can be verified. Yes, it reminds one of previous experiences that you as well as Bapak have had; most of the people, the members who have a crisis have been doing the latihan kejiwaan for only three months or six months. Those who have already doing it for a long time are already rather solid. Suppose they do have a crisis, it is only a partial crisis, a pseudo-crisis, not a real one. Certainly many people have these. Thus for people who have a pseudo-crisis, it may be some thing they want; then they have a pseudo-crisis, something to make people believe that what they are saying is true: "Admit that I am an incarnation of Satara Wisnu ( or Batari Sri )",for instance, or "I am the incarnation of this or that princess; something like that. But in fact that is not a crisis. Yet there are also members of long standing who do also have crises. Bapak just surrenders that to the power of God. Bapak will explain this later.

Brothers and sisters, even though Bapak has already often explained and clarified what this latihan kejiwaan of Subud is, yet there is no harm in it if Bapak keeps on repeating it, so that it can be better known by all the members. It is also necessary so that you will be able to answer if you are questioned about the latihan kejiwaan of Subud by groups outside Subud.

Subud is like a vehicle for training, training for human beings, training for all of you, in which you have been able to receive; to receive grace from the One Almighty God, so that the nature of this latihan is not to be a latihan you do from your own will, but it is a latihan that is done because you have received the mercy of God. It is a latihan done because your feelings, our inner feelings, have been awakened by the power of God, the dzat ullah, the dzat Tuhan; the will and the power of God which envelopes human beings both inwardly and outwardly, and the whole universe as well.

That is why the latihan kejiwaan of Subud and the name Subud are in no way like the name of a religion or a teaching. There are many people who do not understand this. They think that Subud is a teaching; they may even suppose it to be a religion. They say it is a new religion. It is not that at all.

Wolfsburg, Germany - June 14, 1975
Code Number : 75 WOB 2
Take the case of Bapak himself. Bapak never imagined or suspected that Bapak, an ordinary man, would be able to bring peace and harmony to the various races living in this world who also belong to different religions. This is a mystery; it is a miracle which has never happened before in this world, brothers and sisters; that people of this religion and that religion can be in harmony. It has never happened before, but only now. Who knows why? Not even Bapak himself knows the reason for it. Where men cannot know, God knows.

That is how it is, brothers and sisters, and Bapak, therefore, hopes that you will practice and receive as and how you are able to receive. God knows the measure of your strength, which you yourselves do not know. Yes; the desire of the human heart is to be able to move this great building at a stroke. Such is its wish. Such wishes turn to imagination. If they get into your imagination, you will have a crisis. That is how it is, brothers and sisters, and so you must receive with patience, trust and sincerity. God knows your strength. God knows how far you are able to receive. If you really do this sincerely, then, God willing, you will be able to reap the fruits of it each time you do the Latihan Kejiwaan.

Wolfsburg, Germany - June 21, 1975
Fourth talk at The Fifth World Congress
Code Number : 75 WOB 16
Clearly, brothers and sisters, the people who have been able to receive the Latihan Kejiwaan are able to receive indications, as long as they do not make use of this all the time. Bapak proposes enterprises in order that you can run these enterprises with the indications you receive from within. Then, brothers and sisters, you will really be able to witness and verify the love of God for human beings who truly obey His guidance.

But supposing you become very rich, brothers and sisters, your wealth will not be a blow to people who are badly off. On the contrary, it will contribute towards helping those people, as Bapak described the day before yesterday. There was a headmaster who was always saving money. Eventually, after a crisis, he stood by the roadside and gave away his money to the people passing by, until it was all gone. Although he was giving it to these people, he was crying, because his heart was unwilling, but his jiwa forced him to it, and he had to give it all away.

Well, in order not to experience something like that, it is best from now on that you also begin to give a little to the poor. For if you do not, then later on your jiwa will order you to take a thousand dollars and go and stand in the middle of the road and give it to the passers-by, giving some money to each of them. That is all right if it is only a thousand dollars, if it is a hundred thousand you will be in trouble, for everything will be gone.

God has decreed, and this decree, which was received by the Messengers, is that men must give alms to the poor if those who are rich want their wealth to remain secure and not become a danger to them. It will be like this, brothers and sisters; the rich will be in danger because those who do not have money will always see and look at those who have money, so that a situation will arise which will not be good for those who have money nor for those who do not.

Cilandak, Indonesia - September 29, 1975
Code Number : 75 CDK 6
Now Bapak has told you this to give you an account of the development of God's revelation, and you should not think that what Bapak has told you is something that Bapak has taken from books he has read. What Bapak has told you has arisen within Bapak spontaneously. Bapak has not got it from books, but from his own being. And this is the nature of God's revelation, that Bapak does not prepare beforehand what he is going to say to you. At the moment when Bapak has the desire to start speaking to you, all this arises by itself within Bapak's being. This is God's grace, and to some extent you have all been able to experience it, even though not completely and not all of you.

But you have had this experience at the time those of you have had a crisis, because this is in fact the meaning of crisis. Those who experience crisis frequently misunderstand the nature of crisis. For crisis is not an illness, crisis is something willed by God. Only the situation is different in your case and in Bapak's case. Because when you have a crisis, you are still filled completely with the nafsu and you are still in a state where you still want to do this and you want to do that, you want to accomplish this, you want to accomplish that. So at the moment you receive the crisis, the first thing that is done by the crisis is to begin to purify the nafsu which is within you. So this is what comes to the surface. It is like a man who is drunk; when the man is sober he doesn't remember about his enemy, but the moment he becomes drunk he suddenly remembers his anger towards his enemy. So it is like that with this crisis, this is the different kind of crisis. Because in Bapak's case it is also crisis; but Bapak is not in crisis. It is simply the will of God.

To make this more clear, there are four kinds of crisis. The first kind of crisis is called Zadab. It is a crisis of the satanic nafsu and it comes in a state where one is still completely influenced by the satanic nafsu, and its action is violent and disturbing, and is of the nature of purification. The second kind of crisis is called Kramat and Kramat means that you are able to receive the crisis as a kind of education for yourself, but only for yourself, not for other people. But you are able to receive it in a state of quietness and a state of peace. The third type of crisis is what is known as the Ilham or revelation of God. And at that time you are able to receive a teaching which is not only for yourself but is beneficial for those around you, and that teaching is something that when it comes out of you it is both pleasing and satisfying to those who listen to it and those who receive it. The fourth kind of crisis, if one can still use the word crisis for this, is a stage at which a man is given authority by God Almighty, clearly authority to do something and obviously this something is something good, in other words, something that is in accordance with God's will. And this authority is given to a man by God as a result of that person's honesty and truthfulness in carrying out God's command.

Seattle, WA USA - December 11, 1977
Code Number : 77 SEA 2
We have received this contact with the power of God through His will in this Latihan Kejiwaan. And the purpose of this is indeed that we can feel the contact with the power of God, that we can feel the life of our jiwa - that is, a vibration of life that comes free from the influence of the heart and mind while we are still alive in this world. Why? The purpose is that this understanding, this awareness of our life in this world, can be transferred to the jiwa, so that when we die, when the heart and mind are no longer there, the jiwa doesn't feel strange. It has acquired the experience or the reality of its life in this world, so that we can still be aware and still be conscious. What is meant by the Latihan Kejiwaan is that one moment we open our eyes and we see all this, and then we close our eyes - and when we open them again we are in a place that is boundless in its size and in its wonder. Of course, this is something that most of you maybe cannot experience yet. This explanation of Bapak's is something that you cannot understand until you have experienced it. But if there are any of you who have experienced a crisis, then you already have a taste of the meaning of this greatness or this boundless glory that is the next world.

For example, our brother Hanafi Weinstein. When he experienced a crisis he was able to experience the contact or the reality of what Bapak has just described. But at that time he had not been in Subud for very long - maybe he had done the latihan for only one or two years - it was as though it caused him to be confused. But whereas the people around him thought that this crisis was something very dangerous or very harmful -when he was in that state he felt wonderful. He felt as though he never wanted to stop being in crisis - it felt very nice ( laughter ).

It is clear, Brothers and Sisters, that before we received this latihan we felt the nature or the quality of our life in this world. But after we received the Latihan Kejiwaan and begin to feel the life of the jiwa, then we become more and more aware of a life that is wider and greater than what we receive in this world.

That is why this Latihan Kejiwaan is really difficult to understand with the heart and mind, because it is actually something that comes from beyond the heart and mind; in fact, it can only be received when the heart and mind no longer act. The heart and the mind, as Bapak explained, are limited to this world, while the Latihan Kejiwaan is a life that comes from beyond this world, and is the life from beyond this world.

Honolulu, Hawaii - December 24, 1977
Code Number : 77 HNL 2

Sydney, Australia - January 30, 1978
Code Number : 78 SYD 2

Cilandak, Indonesia - March 5, 1978
Code Number : 78 CDK 2

Cilandak, Indonesia - April 2, 1978
Code Number : 78 CDK 4
If all human beings were to be given or to receive wahyu and anugeraha from God, and however enormous and far reaching and good this might be, they would not be able to do anything that was beyond the strength of a human being. This is something that you need to remember. If you receive wahyu from God, you should not then claim to be able to do this and that. It is not possible to receive anything greater than one has the capacity for, for if it is more than that, then one will explode. What does it mean if one explodes? It is like what happens when people experience a crisis. That is a mere taste of what it would be like to explode. You have, in fact, experienced something like that, if you have experienced a crisis. If you have not had one, Bapak is telling you how it is.

Yogyakarta, Indonesia - December 24, 1978
Code Number : 78 JOG 3
Bapak has witnessed your latihan and it seems that there is much progress. It is indeed like what Bapak has already told you, that the latihan kejiwaan of Subud has truth in it. The meaning of the truth is in fact a guidance, a lead from God’s power, which envelops your outer and inner self. God the All-knowing, knows the ability of each of you, in receiving the guidance and lead of God, So that your heart stays calm and surrendering, there is no need to complain because God knows what you wish : it is impossible for you to receive it if you don’t have the ability yet.

Because a gift that cannot be received, will become a burden so that it will be of no use. You know yourself, that many of you have received because of your strong will to stand out, to be better than your friends, so that confusion happened which is the so called crisis. What is its needs and its use, if you receive it in a situation of forgetfulness, in a situation of confusion. So it is best that even though only a little, but you can receive it in quietness and awareness and really receive in full awareness.

Thus brothers and sisters, because of this, Bapak always encourages all of you to be patient, surrendering and sincere. To be patient means not to be hasty in following your heart and mind, so that you will be able to receive your wish. Because you don’t even know your own ability.

Toronto, Canada - August 20, 1979
Code Number : 79 YYZ 10
It is clear, brothers and sisters, that you will not lose the latihan kejiwaan of Subud which you have received. Nor must you have any feeling of being backward or left behind, or of being inferior or superior to other people. No; all of this is in accordance with your inner-self. If you do not accept that other people may perhaps outdo you, that means that you are accusing God. God is All-powerful and God gives to everyone who has the capacity to receive. If someone does not have the capacity, God does not give. You yourselves have seen and experienced this truth; you have witnessed the condition of people in crisis. Their imagination makes them want to be clever; they want to be able to receive strange things. Then when this is given to them, they cannot receive it. So what happens? They think that the table is made of gold from heaven. They think that their clothes are made of diamonds from heaven. This is their own fault. In reality, brothers and sisters, when God gives to human beings, it will not be something imaginary, not fantasy.

Cilandak, Indonesia - February 3, 1980
Code Number : 80 CDK 1

Cilandak, Indonesia - February 16, 1980
Code Number : 80 CDK 2

Cilandak, Indonesia - June 21, 1980
Code Number : 80 CDK 3
Why, if what we have in Subud is called the gift of God, are we not like the prophet Muhammad? Why are we not tike the prophets or the walis ( Muslim saints )? God is All-knowing, brothers and sisters, and God in His Omniscience will not cause a tree to bear fruit before it is mature. Why is that? God is All-knowing, and if the tree bears fruit before it is fully grown, it will not be able to grow, and it may even die. This is evident, and it is also like that for you. Your capacity to receive something really glorious has not yet appeared and does not yet exist. If something like that were given to you, there would be trouble. You would not become good or strong but, on the contrary, you would become confused. You have witnessed this, brothers and sisters; you have often seen and heard how people are when they are in crisis. Their will and their desire to become like this, this, this, this are very strong, whereas these people themselves are not strong, brothers and sisters. Their inner-selves are not yet strong, so that they become nabi sembrono ( feckless, half-baked prophets ) not true prophets. Many people say, 'Pak Subuh, I have seen, I have dreamed, I have felt that Pak Subuh is like the prophet Jesus.' 'What prophet Jesus?' 'Jesus Christ'. That is not so. If Pak Subuh were Jesus Christ, things would be difficult for me. My wife would not be happy with me if I were not Pak Subuh, and then how would it be? Even if Pak Subuh is not very handsome, his wife likes him as he is. She would say 'My husband and children are like bencang wengko ( broken potsherds which to their owner look like gold ).' However plain her husband or children may be, to a wife or mother they will look beautiful, while she will turn up her nose at others, however good-looking, who are not hers. It is like this.

All that we have in Subud is based upon evidence, brothers and sisters. You must not be cut off from logic and reality. Materialists win their arguments because they base them upon logic; we do not. This is a mistake. We do not lack logic. There was a well-known Communist called Alimin. He resigned from Subud and set out on his own, and other people followed him. Three times Alimin asked for an opportunity to meet Bapak and I was prepared to meet him, but he never came. Eventually Alimin died. He is said to have told his friend that he wanted this, but that every time he was about to come and see me he was afraid of being infected by Subud ( through his friend's crisis ) and that he might have a crisis such as this friend had. This friend was Padmo, who told this to Bapak. 'What happens if I become like you? What if I lose my mind, like you, and run naked through the streets?' 'I was not aware of what I was doing.' Padmo was like a child, running naked through the streets, so that he upset people by dancing about like that. Yes, that was the communist member, Padmo. In the end, Alimin did not dare to, come. Later on Mr. Wongsonegoro wanted three times to meet me, and I was prepared to meet him. Those people want to exchange ideas, but I do not need or want to exchange ideas. When I think something, I think it once and for all. I have only one idea, and it would be terrible to exchange it for another.

This is why what is necessary and important for all of you in Subud in doing the latihan kejiwaan of Subud is just to follow, brothers and sisters. For our movements in the latihan kejiwaan of Subud are like a story whose meaning is not yet clear. It is your own fault that it is not yet clear. Why does it still bear the stamp of the nafsu? You are being trained not to pretend, not to imitate. If you cannot yet do it, just say that you cannot. That is enough. Yes, but rather than admit that you cannot, you claim that you can. Someone says, 'I have already been in Subud for fifty years.' Thus he is saying that for fifty years he has eaten his fill of the salt of Subud. Subud has no salt to offer, but cekok, ( bitter medicine ). Cekok is bitter; cekok is jamu ( herbal medicine ). It is like this. If you have always behaved naturally and honestly, it is like what is experienced in that song from Solo, Wiring kelopo ( in which there is a play on the words selugu ning witing klopa/seluguning witing klopo ), then it gradually becomes quite normal. It is ordinary or normal in the sense that the ruler and the subject are always in contact with one another. You act like that, whether you talk about it or not, and it reaches further and further into you until it is right inside everything, and everything is one in the makrifatullah ( mystical union in the essence of God ). Well, if you are united in yourself, then you wonder what is this feeling in you? If you feel .it in your heart, you wonder what is this feeling of life? It would be better to die, for you do not enjoy anything anymore. If you go to the cinema, the film may be said to be a good one, but you do not enjoy it. If a man sees a pretty woman or a woman sees a handsome man, it gives them no pleasure. What then? Everything is over. It is now clear that the pleasures of this world are just the dregs of heaven. Yes, indeed they are.

If you are just a little bit like that, this is called a crisis; that is when you are just a little bit united. Just a little will cause quite a disturbance. Yes; when Rusli was having a crisis, at the time when Bapak was still living in Jalan Widjaya, nobody dared go near him. Someone who wanted to buy the house in Jalan Widjaya ran away again, because Rusli was inside and he was frightened of him. Rusli's friends and relations said that they would bow down in gratitude to Pak Subuh if Rusli could get back to normal. Well, Rusli did get back to normal, but they did not bow down to Pak Subuh, not that I minded. It gives me no pleasure to be worshipped. Well, now he is big and tall, like Brotoseno ( Bima, who found his inner-self at the bottom of the sea ). Yes, how is Rusti nowadays? He is now comfortable and carefree. His life has become regular, balanced and comfortable; he is not rich but quite comfortable. He has plenty to eat. I repeat what I said just now; if one is already like that, what else are you looking for? If you are looking for the Lord God, why are you looking? You already know, but you keep on looking. It is said, brothers and sisters, that the closeness of God and of the power of God to human beings is closer than what they see with their eyes. Think how that is. What you see with your eyes is close to you, but God is closer still. If you are already one with God, brothers and sisters, what more do you want? This is how it is. This is what human beings are searching for, so that later on, when they die and leave this world, they will find their right path, because they are already familiar with it.

Cilandak, Indonesia - June 22, 1980
Code Number : 80 CDK 6

S. Widjojo Center, Jakarta, Indonesia - January 17, 1981
Code Number : 81 JKT 2
What Bapak is giving you is the training Bapak has received and that is why Bapak asks you, "Does your latihan keep changing?" Because if it is what Bapak has received, then it is always changing because Bapak's latihan is always changing. From something new to something new again. So Bapak asks you, "Does your latihan change? Or does it just go on and on making the same movements?" If it just stays the same, then it is like something is stuck. Because all that Bapak has described and so much more is within each of you. And the purpose of the latihan kejiwaan is to give life to all that is within you. All that is within your physical body, for example, including your heart and your understanding. So that gradually you will be guided throughout your life.

Bapak hopes that you will take this to heart, all of you.

In addition there are those experiences you will experience which come about from the latihan trying to bring to life each and every part of you. Sometimes the vessel you have is not big enough to hold the power of the latihan, and then you experience a behavior that is peculiar. People usually call that a crisis. But actually it is not a crisis at all. It is simply the latihan carrying out a cleansing of the vessel so that the vessel may be made clear and receive more of what it needs to receive.

Brothers and sisters, this is what Bapak has given you: the latihan kejiwaan. All you need to do in the latihan kejiwaan is to receive the guidance of the Power of God. To receive whatever may happen in the latihan kejiwaan, no effort need be made. Just surrender. You don't have to do samadi, you don't have to sit cross-legged and concentrate on it.

London, England - March 28, 1981
Code Number : 81 LON 3
So this is why, brothers and sisters, there is no room for anything like jealousy in the latihan kejiwaan, because there is no way in which you can say, " Well, why is it that he got something and I didn't get it?" , because all this depends on your own nature, on what you yourself are.

And the growth - your growth in the latihan kejiwaan is something that you cannot compare; you can only feel it. You can feel its development within yourself, like a plant which grows stage by stage. So it is enough just for you to be aware of what is going on inside. You don't need to look at other people.

God knows how fast you can develop. God gives you, in accordance with what God knows you can take and you can absorb. This is the explanation, or the nature of crisis. You know crisis, when somebody has very disturbing experiences as the result of the latihan kejiwaan. Crisis is always the result of wanting something which you are not yet ready to receive, so that, for example, you wish for something - some kind of progress - or something which you do not yet have the ability to receive, so then you receive crisis.

And actually what that proves is that in fact you should not wish for anything, in the latihan kejiwaan there should not be, you do not need to ask for, something, because God knows what you are able to receive. God knows what He is able to give you in accordance with your ability.

So what is the use of asking for something before you have the ability to receive it or use it? Bapak says it is like asking for a beautiful car, or maybe even only a half beautiful car, but you don't have a parking place or a garage, so that actually the car is only a source of irritation to you and to other people, because you come home in the evening and you don't have a place to park it. Then if you finally shut it in somewhere, when you come out in the evening, you have been parked in by somebody else. So this is the result of wanting things which you are not yet ready to receive.

So, in other words, when we face Almighty God, all we need do is surrender ourselves to Him and to receive what it is that He feels like giving us, because He knows the speed with which we can comfortably and easily receive , so that. our progress is always orderly and always of benefit to our being.

Sorry, I left out something...When Bapak was saying about crisis, Bapak said it is not just that you are asking for something that you do not yet have the ability to receive, but asking for something which you cannot yet carry out. So Bapak said that actually, all progress depends on action, so that your progress depends on what you are able to do - what you are able to put into practice.

Sri Lanka - March 13, 1981
Code Number : 81sri-lanka-1
Brothers and sisters, on the path of spiritual development, in the course of the growth of our jiwa, we often have all sorts of experiences. Such an experience is sometimes referred to as a crisis. A crisis can come one of many levels. It just depends on what is being cleaned out.

The nature of these experiences that we have to go through in the kejiwaan, is actually a cleansing of our being. For example, there is a crisis of the satanic or the material. This is experienced as a purification of all sorts of sins and mistakes that we have committed in the past. If in the past we have been very much influenced by the satanic or the material forces, so that our character was that of someone who liked to do wrong to other people, to hurt other people, to do violence to other people, to cheat other people, to steal from other people, and to do all sorts of actions which are considered wrong, then through our crisis, all our experiences come back to us again. It is as if we have to go through all this again, all these sins and mistakes that we have committed, so as to be cleansed and purified of these experiences.

Such an experience is usually quite disturbing, but it is also a method of overcoming or cleansing sins which have accumulated within our being. This reality or this experience of crisis is actually a proof for us of what is stated in religion.

London, England - April 10, 1981
Code Number : 81 LON 9
The influence of the heart and mind is simply put aside when we do the latihan, but they are still there. They are still functioning; they don't shrink or die off or become weakly or something like that. Not at all. The proof of this is seen when people experience a crisis. When a person experiences a crisis, as you know, he often acts in a disordered way, or in a way that is strange, but all the time that he is acting like this, the heart and mind are aware. Those of you who have experienced a crisis are aware of what you are doing. You are aware of what is going on.

The heart and mind ask, "Why am I acting this way?", but they are powerless to stop it. They are powerless to intervene. They are just spectators while this state is going on, because they are powerless to interfere with the will of the jiwa which is acting at that moment. This is why there is no way in which we can stop a person's crisis, as you know. You have to let it go and then it will stop by itself, when the jiwa has achieved what it willed, or what was necessary for it. This is the difference between the latihan kejiwaan or other practices which use the effort of will to empty oneself of the influence of the heart and mind.

Brothers and sisters, what We receive in the latihan kejiwaan is a feeling that is delicious, a feeling that is very light. Our thinking actually becomes healthier and more capable and clearer as a result of the latihan kejiwaan. We don't know why this happens. It is as if we are simply led along in an experience. We don't know where it comes from. We can only receive it and experience it. This is the nature of the latihan kejiwaan. It is something which improves our ability to understand and to cope with this world.

In the latihan, even though we receive as though we are children, we are also able to receive a broadening of our understanding, not only of the next world, but also of this world. We receive this in a way that is very simple, through being just like children in the latihan. This is why Bapak said that the latihan is something ordinary. It is the latihan of life which spans both life in this world and life in the next.

Cilandak, Indonesia - February 21, 1982
Code Number : 82 CDK 2

Auckland, Australia - May 20, 1982
Code Number : 82 AKL 2
As to your own nature, even though you may claim that you have never done anything wrong during your life, you are nevertheless the child of your parents, of your father and mother, and they are the descendants of their parents, and so on, and all this affects you to the extent that you are not entirely yourself and you cannot expect never to do anything wrong: for their faults are in you. For instance, when there is a war, many people beat up and kill other human beings and even take pleasure in doing it. In reality though, this capacity of theirs to kill, to torture and cause suffering to others without even feeling it themselves is something that enters into their nature, their energy: and if they later marry and have children, the children of those persons who formerly caused suffering to others will inherit this sin.

So without even realizing it, the child is sinful. This is referred to in Bapak's book entitled Susila Budhi Dharma in case you feel like reading it you'll understand these matters. This book is of great help in solving and understanding some of the problems you worry about or are confused about. Of course, you cannot solve these kejiwaan matters through just the exertion of your own minds, only through the power of Almighty God. It is only God who can put right the faults in the jiwa, if people want it. We find examples of such desires in the cases of people in crisis, where in fact they do not wish to experience a crisis at all, but their minds are powerless to ward off the crisis caused by the pressure of their own jiwas. As a result the situation or crisis is protracted: though it does not always take place like and may not go on constantly in this manner, and eventually comes the time when the person is well again, for example.

Osaka, Japan - June 1, 1982
Code Number : 82 OSA 1
Brothers and sisters, it really is true that instruction and advice will never be able to do anything to change the faults which have found their way into the inner feelings of human beings. To take your own condition, you are the children of your fathers and mothers, who were in turn the children of their fathers and mothers, and so on. Your ancestors, because they were human beings, were also not free from faults or protected from making mistakes, so all these past faults and mistakes have left their traces; and these traces you have inherited. The things which are already Wrong are like overcooked rice which has turned into mush, or like scrap-iron which has been melted down and perhaps made into aircraft components, for instance· Thus it has already gone too far to be retrieved or repaired except through death. And once you are dead there is no more to be done - you cannot live your life over again.

So good advice cannot really change the faults existing in the human selves faults which are caused by the faulty nature of human beings. Good advice alone can never correct these faults. If people are told that in order to be good they should do this or do that, at the moment when they hear the advice they intend to follow it, and they say, "Yes, I will do that; I will follow the teacher's advice." But afterwards they cannot do it. That is why Buddhists and Hindus and various esoteric groups, for instance, try to go by a way in which they can really avoid being tossed about by their nafsu, by their minds, and in which they will really be able to follow the advice they receive from their teachers· In order to achieve this they practice asceticism, cutting down their food and sleep and isolating themselves in deserted places far away from other people· To do that is very hard, and it cannot be done by everyone, but only by one or two, or at most by ten or twenty, in a thousand - or in many thousand· It is thus clear, brothers and sisters, that the faults which are already embodied in you cannot be corrected by advice alone, and even for people who practice asceticism, and who do without every kind of worldly pleasure and enjoyment, not even this can be guaranteed to put things right.

But you, brothers and sisters, have received the vibration of true life; the vibration of the power of the One Almighty God which is present in your selves. That is why you felt something unfamiliar in your selves at the moment when you were opened. In fact it was really this that you felt; you felt that there was a life within your life. That is why Bapak says that you are beginning to be set free of all your faults which originated with your ancestors; you are beginning to be separated from them, and they are beginning to be corrected while you are still alive in this world. It is clear, brothers and sisters, that what you receive in the latihan kejiwaan, and which then causes you to move like this and like that, is the very same thing as what the people who go in for ascetic practices call death in life. It is what is called the manifestation of sukma ( the life of the spirit ), which is beginning to have all the sins scraped out of it, so that all these sins, which have been embodied in your selves, are being cleaned away.

In spite of this, however, it cannot be determined, brothers and sisters, how many years it will take to remove and correct the faults in the selves of all of you. People who have had what is called a crisis have had some experience of this process. In a crisis, brothers and sisters, people feel all their sins. Sometimes they see all their food as something loathsome and disgusting or in forms which frighten them. This is why many people who would like to enter Subud have not done so, for fear that all their wrong doing will be made known, even though this is happening in order to get rid of it. That is why many members are afraid of having a crisis. But you should not be afraid, brothers and sisters, because you who have received the latihan kejiwaan and who are following the way of the latihan kejiwaan are protected by the power of God. Thus supposing that you do have a crisis, or what is usually called a crisis, you need not worry, for it will all come right again. It is different when people have what is usually called a nervous breakdown – people who are mentally sick and who have not received the latihan kejiwaan. They are in a kind of crisis, but they really are ill; that is another matter. So you need not be afraid of having a crisis, for even if you do, you will later return to being all right again. That is why people in crisis should not be given any medical treatment. Nothing should be done about them except to guard them so that they are kept quiet and do not do anything dangerous.

Anugraha, England - August 8, 1983
Code Number : 83 LON 4
For you who live in this present century, at this present time, you are lucky indeed that without having to undergo such trials as the prophets did, you can yet receive something that is free from the nafsu which reside in your mind and heart. What then do you lack, brothers and sisters?

Supposing you ask: 'Is there anything more God could give to us to make it easier for us to worship Him?' The answer is, that is not possible. God is All-Knowing and All-understanding and He knows the measure of human beings in their lives. Even when you receive just a little you already have a crisis, brothers and sisters.

You have presumably heard of members who have experienced a crisis or what is called a crisis. When you are confused by your own mind, by your nafsu, that is called a crisis. A person in crisis acts as if he were mad, but it is not madness, for when it is finished he is sane again. So you need not be afraid to come into Subud because you might have a crisis. If you are already afraid even of a crisis, what about the experience of prophet Abraham, of prophet Moses, of Jesus m or of Muhammad, who was told to go to war, one man against many.

One time he was surrounded by the enemy and, being unable to resist, he hid in a cave. And because he was blessed by the power of God, Muhammad was protected in the cave by a spider which spun its web there, so that when the enemy came past they thought there could not be anybody in the cave because of the spider and its web. But, so it is said, there was also an animal which was an enemy to the prophet Muhammad, that is a cicak ( house lizard ). This cicak uttered its cry - 'chik, chik, chik.' Of course, that is just the sound a cicak makes, but there is a saying which is true that where there are cicaks there are human beings. So they said: 'Ah, there must be someone here', but because they were not certain about it, they decided just to shoot an arrow, so that if there was someone there he would be killed. And if there wasn't, too bad - what is the loss of an arrow. They didn't use a rifle, for there were as yet no rifles, so they shot an arrow and it struck the prophet's tooth. They say that that is why some Muslims file their teeth. All this just illustrates the commitment, the honesty and the obedience of the prophet Muhammad towards God. This is just a little story, but it serves as an example.

London, England - August 10, 1983
Code Number : 83 LON 8
Brothers and sisters, God is Almighty, and He knows fully what your own capacity is and what your own ability is. So, what you receive from Him in your latihan kejiwaan, will always be in line with what you ate capable of and what your capacity is. If you try, through your own effort, through your own heart and mind, to go beyond that, then the result will be crisis. That is, you will achieve things with your heart and mind but these things will only be fruits of your imagination and will not be real. What we are looking for, in the latihan kejiwaan is the purification and the cleansing of our inner content. And it is through this purifying and cleansing of our inner content that eventually our own abilities and our own capacities will spontaneously arise.

For example, if your capacity or ability is located in our legs, then through the purification and the cleansing of the nafsu and things that are not clean within us, our legs will come alive and will be able to show us the way to a life that is prosperous and beneficial for us. An example that Bapak will give of this is a footballer, a famous footballer, called Pele. Actually, what Pele has, are legs that are alive, so that when he plays football, his legs find the way to position themselves where it is most advantageous for him and most dangerous for the opposing team.

Now, do not imagine that he does that by thinking it up. This is spontaneous and this kind of gift is' what We should receive in the latihan kejiwaan. Now, all right, in Pele's case, he did not receive the latihan, but nevertheless he received the gift. What he has, is this life in his legs, a gift which he received from Almighty God. Now, that is the nature of the gift, for which we are hoping through doing the latihan kejiwaan.

Hamburg, Germany - September 18, 1983
Code Number : 83 HAM 2
Some other words which Bapak also uses frequently in his explanations are sabar, tawakkal and ikhlas ( sometimes translated patience, trustful acceptance and sincere submission ). These words are not unfamiliar to Muslims, but of course they seem rather strange to other people.

Sabar means not to have any feelings of disappointment, jealousy, or of comparing oneself to others.

Tawakkal means that you do not get upset about anything that may happen, whatever you may see or hear or feel, but only surrender it to the One Almighty God, in the way Bapak has just explained, saying only God is Almighty.

Then there is ikhlas, which means that if, for instance, when you are doing latihan, you remember about one of your brothers being in a crisis and begin to worry about whether you will have a crisis too, or something like that, then you surrender, for it is not necessary to harbor such feelings. When you are truly resolute in your faith and really trust in the One Almighty God and in none other, that is ikhlas.

Thus sabar, tawakkal and ikhlas strengthen your worship of God, so that your worship really means more to you than your own life.

Cilandak, Indonesia - June 11, 1985
Code Number : 85 CDK 8
So, it is clear that the growth of your jiwa can only take place through the latihan kejiwaan, and in the latihan kejiwaan, the power of God will guide you, in accordance with the development of your own ability. If you want to go beyond that, the moment you try to reach further, or try to understand this or that, then it doesn't lead you to development of your jiwa; but it leads you to a state of confusion. That is what we usually call 'crisis'. We see brothers and sisters who go through crisis and that is generally a result of trying to reach beyond the gradual and step-by-step progress of the jiwa - that is, going from A to B, and from B to C, in a step-wise fashion.

Brothers and sisters, you probably wonder to yourselves sometimes, how come there is never anything new in Bapak's talks. How come it is always the same thing, the same old thing, Bapak keeps repeating the same thing. Well that point of view, or that feeling or that idea is actually out of place because it is a way of looking at something that tries pretends something is very elementary. Or, you look at something as if it was very elementary, which is not true at all. It is the same as saying, 'I already know how to walk, so why do I have to be taught how to walk all over again in the latihan kejiwaan?'

It is as though you don't recognize that what is happening in the latihan kejiwaan is completely different from what you have experienced before. In other words, the walking that you are doing in the latihan kejiwaan is, for the first time, the walk that is not from the will or from the intention or from the working of the heart and mind. So it is an experience - a movement that does not come from the nafsu - whereas all the walking you have done until that point you started the latihan was from the working of the nafsu. So, the new kind of walking that you are experiencing is something completely new and, although it looks simple, elementary, it is actually completely new.

From this walking, you are actually learning for the first time, from your feet. So, what is happening, what you are being trained to do, is learning from your own feet. Of course, if we are talking about walking, then it is very simple. The walk that does not come from the nafsu is a simple movement. But then, you add to that the movement of the hands, which does not come from the nafsu. And then, the movement of your voice, your brain - everything. Gradually, from all that, you begin to understand. You begin to understand a completely new experience, that is, you are led to be able to be able to feel and to know the difference between when you act from the nafsu and when you act not from the nafsu.

The first, the movement from the nafsu, will bring you your livelihood. It will bring you what you need in order to survive in this world. But the other movement, the one which is not from the nafsu, will bring you an understanding of your life before you existed in this world and after you cease to exist in this world. It is God's will that we should know and we should understand both our life in this world and our life beyond this world - before we come into this world and after we leave it.

So dearly, brothers and sisters, what we experience in the latihan, this movement, not from the nafsu, is not aimed at making us rich, is not aimed at bringing us wealth, solving our problems, making us very good at our work, getting us promotion and getting us all sorts of things. That is not the aim of the latihan kejiwaan. Bapak is not saying that you don't need those things, that you should not strive for those - things, or that those things, in some way, are not necessary.

Not at all. Bapak is very happy if you can become rich and if you can strive for all those things, but that is not the purpose of the latihan kejiwaan.

The purpose of the. latihan kejiwaan is the kejiwaan, meaning 'the development and growth of the jiwa', which relates to our life that is beyond this world, that is not in this world. So, don't get the idea that Subud is against science or Subud is against technology, not at all. That is all part and parcel of our life in this world. And it is God's will that we should understand both. God's will is that we should understand the wisdom and the greatness of our life in this world, but we should also be aware of our life that is beyond this world; and that is the purpose of the latihan kejiwaan.

So, brothers and sisters, the purpose of the latihan kejiwaan is the understanding of the origin of each and every one of our movements. In other words, we become able to know and to understand what it is that moves us. And if this ability can reach the mind, then we can become aware of the understanding that comes from study, that comes from books or anyone else, not which arises spontaneously from within ourselves.

Amen. Bapak Muhammad-Subuh Sumohadiwidjojo

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